arctcknight

SORRY HAD TO! after reading this you will feel a little less inteligent.

#1 Chuck Norris once revived a sheep, then round-house kicked it, killing it. Just so he could say Chuck Norris giveth, and Chuck Norris taketh away.

#2 When Chuck Norris jumps in a body of water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris

#3 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# 4 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

#5 There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

#6 Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

#7 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

#8 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

#9 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

#10 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

#11 There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

#12 When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

#13 Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

#14 Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

#15 There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

#16 Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

#17 Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

#18 Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

#19 Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

#20 Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

#21 Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

#22 Dinosaurs stared a Chuck Norris one time, JUST ONE TIME!!!

#23 The only known cure for cancer are the tears of Chuck Norris. It's a shame the man has never cried. Ever.

#24 To end World War II the United States Millitary had two options: The A-Bomb or Chuck Norris.

#25 Thankfully the U.S. Government descided the more humane of the two.

#26 When chuck norris wants to eat eggs he cracks open a chicken

#27 Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

#28 Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

#29 When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

#30 Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

#31 Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

#32 If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

#33 Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

#34 Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

#35 Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

#36 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

#37 Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

#38 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

#39 There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

#40 Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

#41 The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

#42 When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

#43 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

#44 Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

#45 There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

#46 When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

#47 Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

#48 A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

#49 Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

#50 Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

#51 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

#52 Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

#53 In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

#54 Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

#55 If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

#56 Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

#57 The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

#58 A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

#59 Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

#60 Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

#61 When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

#62 While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

#63 Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

#64 When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

#65 When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

#66 Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

#67 Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

#68 Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

#69 Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

#70 Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.