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archetypal_sxe

Watertown

Member Since 2005

Followers 0 Following 13

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Friday Sep 16, 2005

Sep 16, 2005
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Michelle broke up with me today (yesterday, Friday). Our relationship lasts a total of 3 days. I fucking give up. Love is a joke, it doesn't really exist, it's just like the fairy tales that they tell you when you're a kid. Everything will turn out right, bad things can be overcame and no obstacle is too big. It's all just bull shit that they feed you. Fuck friends, fuck love, fuck this life, nothing really matters, it's all just bull shit.

What are friends and loyalty anyway? Friends and loyalty are something that I know absolutely nothing about. I've never really had a friend for any real amount of time, and I've DEFINITELY never had anyone be loyal to be for longer than two seconds. I'm going to have to face it. I'm a loner, and I always will be.

Feelings and people don't matter. When you think about it, you're just another number in the billions of people that exist and that you'll never amount to anything. Once the point in living if you're not going to be completely happy. I've given up on friends and relationships, so I don't see what I have to live for. The chances of me actually doing something with my life is so small considering the modifications I've made to myself, you can't really hide a 3/4" plug and a vertical labret... So I'm obviously not going to be successful enough to make enough money to make me happy, and I'm obviously not going to last in a relationship so I dont' see what I have to live for... I wish that I was strong and had enough courage to kill myself. If I had the means and the balls I would, but I don't, so I won't. That doesn't stop me from wishing though...

My point in life now is basically just to get by. I'm working full time and going to college full time, so hopefully that'll keep me preoccupied enough to not have time to think about how I'm wasting my life and my existence is futile. I doubt it will have much of an effect. I'll look around and see all the couples together and wonder how come I couldn't get mine to work, or how come I can't get in a relationship. I guess that some people are better just left alone, and unfortunately, I'm one of those people. I was born alone, I'll die alone, so I may as well live alone. People only serve to hold you back and to prevent you from doing things anyway. I can exist in this world alone, as much as I think that I need someone, it's not true. I can be perfectly happy by myself.

Last night I went on a date with this chick from work, Shannon. It was weird because besides the fact that she's absolutely gorgeous and totally out of my league, I wasn't really attracted to her at all. I mean I was attracted, but the whole time I wanted to go home, and had absolutely no desire to be physical with her or to even bother trying to make it work. The same thing happens with Bryn. I just know that it will never work so I don't even bother. I wish the same was true with Michelle, but unfortunately it isn't, so I'm not even going to bother lying and say it is...

Maybe one day I'll be happy, but right now I guess I'm just content. I do not need anyone else to exist and if people do come my way, fuck them, I don't need them, and I refuse to get close to another person ever again.

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