Quick update and then I SWEAR I'm going to go write the five essays that are due by next week!

Dumbass that I am I'm starting to devolop feelings for my roomate... who I told myself I would never date... as it is we're hooking up on a fairly regular basis, but with the knowledge that we are not in any way dating/exclusive. The problem with this is that neither of us has anyone else... let me add a note here that if he had a girlfriend we would not be hooking up, because I'm not a horrible person and neither is he... so we pretty much are only seeing each other in an odd roundabout way. He's my best friend, he's been my best friend since like October... I know it's not a long time... but it kind of is. He's been there for me through some really tough shit... STD tests, breakups, moments of low self-esteem where I just wanted to cry and sometimes did, family drama, school shit and even my work crap. He's been steadfast, understanding and supportive of me in every way. He's a great guy... funny, smart, playful, sweet, loving and therein lies the problem. I care about him a lot as a friend, but I can see that extra thing there... you know? I think if we really tried we could date and be a great couple... but I don't know how long it would last... and at the end of it all I don't know if our friendship would survive... neither of us can afford to lost that friendship... *sighs* I had a dream the other night that we were dating and I was so happy in the dream and then he broke up with me at the end of it for another girl, when I woke up and my heart really felt broken... *sighs* He asked me last night, if he got a girlfriend if it would be a problem... of course I said no... I want him to be happy... he asked me if I'd be jealous and I couldn't really think of a diplomatic way to answer that... so I hedged and told him that I didn't want him to be denied any happiness because of me and that if he found someone that made him happy I would want him to be with her...

I said this was going to be a quick update and here I am pouring my guts out... at least he doesn't get on this website... I could never put this up on Myspace...

On happier notes... school is almost over... Finals end May 12th and then I'm on break! Also, we're having a Cinco De Mayo party this Friday instead of partaking in Apple Blossom "happiness." It's only going to be small, but it should be fun... I haven't been drunk in a while... ought to be interesting... Friday is also "No Pants Day" sadly I think we will all be wearing pants... That's it for now... I'm out...