aquafantasy

I've always said this is not my world. I'm not meant to be here. Somewhere a wire was crossed, a mistake was made, and I came into the wrong place at the wrong time. Baha'i's believe that troubles and suffering are tests sent by God to strengthen us, to make us better people. Thats always been a comfort to me. I like tests, I like challenges. I'd like to think that these hardships are making me better. I think they do, too. If it wasn't for Barbie, I don't know if I would have handled things with Katie as well as I did. Yeah, I lost the best friend I ever had, but because of that I gained some new ones. I endured the kind of suffering that drives people to nervous breakdowns, and I think I came out better for it. But for some reason, none of that helps this time.

I didn't have sex with Helena, even though I wanted to. In the end, that was a good thing.
I was patient (am patient) for someone I adore, even though it was hard on me sometimes and I didnt do it as well as we might have hoped. In the end, that was (will be) a good thing.
I didn't say yes to Missy, even though I could have. In the end, that was a good thing.
I didn't abandon my first love, even though she broke my heart. In the end, that was a good thing.
I tried to make up with Barbie, even though I knew I might get hurt. In the end, that was a good thing.

Time after time, when I wanted to quit, when I wanted to do what felt better rather than what I knew was right, when I kept going anyway, when I stuck to doing the right thing, I came out better. Not that I did it every time, and those are the things that haunt me still.

In the end, suffering leads to good things. This is what I must keep reminding myself.

Leave a comment. It makes me happy to know that someone listens.

Oh, and most of that wont make sense to anyone, i referred to lots of stories that I dont tell often. If you want to know, feel free to ask.