Tonight is the seccond aniverary of the first kiss between my X and I.
I am totally damaged, but I have resolved to read the letter.
I hope to inform you as to its contents if i have the strength.
For thoes who dont know, the letter is the last communiqe that my X gave me before asking me not to contact her.
I completely avoided watching the balldrop and preoccupied myself on the internet to keep the X out of my head. Time heals all wounds. Just let it pass and you will survive. Make new friends, go snowboarding, make good food, watch ALOT of good movies, etc. Hope your New Years brings better things and less lonliness.
i like the pictures.
i would write more, but drinking makes me less than articulate, so, yeah.
i like the pictures.
out of curiousity, why don't you have a car? i mean...i guess it's easy enough to get around boulder without one, but...boulder is such a weird town.
okay, i don't know where i'm going with this.
I got a call from my sister who is in town for the holidays, and she told me that it is my moms birthday. I know that I must be a lame son to not know the dates of anyones birthday except my own and my ex's, but birthdays never semed that important to me.
I had already eaten, and they were going out to... Read More
i feel the same way about being touched. which is a part of this weeks massive failingness.
this week also failed due to the amount of people i made angry, the amount of people who angered me, amount of blood shed, amount of time working, and amount of time spent creating something awesome.
because all of those amounts were way, way off from what they should have been.
Whoa, what a story, no?
I awoke today after sleeping 12 hours to find all the footpints of a bender about me;
A large dent in the wall as though I had fallen aginst it at one point,
A street-sign with pole in my yard,
My pocket-watch briken into a thousand pieces on the floor,
Gum and assorted debris cast about on the carpet,
My... Read More
I sit here in an hightly altered state.
i ask myself if I should continue; my mind is still attached to reality (though last time I gave up reality I ended up in the hospital).
I am so tired of reality, it is a sharp stick in the eye.
Another roxicet on top of the last, and the three gin/tonics?
I feel all warm all... Read More
yes, you are a dirty dirty boy . . . and that's a good thing.
And in regards to your journal . . . harboring over the past is giving it power to control you, if it's the past it's in the past and it shouldn't be able to hurt you now. Too much of the shoulda, coulda, woulda can be staggering. Once hindsight becomes painful it ceases to be useful, remember that.
I've gotta agree with Ostentate, both about you being a fabulously dirty boy, and the fact that you shouldn't dwell on the past. You can't go back and change anything....the only thing you can do is try not to let it mess up your future. Shouldn't let anything hold you back, including past memories and past mistakes. Gotta clense yanno? Gotta get rid of all the negativity and ickyness that is bringing you down.
Want to know something that helps me out? I picture myself out on a big boat in the middle of the ocean. In front of me is a big steel trunk. I picture myself putting all the negative things in my life into that huge steel trunk until I'm empty of all negativity. Then I shut the trunk, put a big ass lock on it, weld the lock shut, and push the whole ugly thing into the ocean. I make sure to watch it sink, until I can't see it anymore, then I turn my back on all that negative energy, turn the boat around and go back home. Bye bye negativity
Anyway, hope this helps Hotpants. I hate to see anyone feeling so badly. ::smoochcuddlelick::
I went to a strip club tonight. (merry x-mass! Its what us lonely people do I guess.)
I was/am drunk of couse, as were I otherwise I would have remembered how much of a money drain and emotional drain they are.
I talked to a girl there I have seen there before, and that I like (yes, I have been there before, how else would... Read More
i think you're beautiful with a creative mind...i'm sure other people see that too. you're in a slump right now...go make something. that always helps me...to see the product of my creativity. creation makes my existance worthwhile.
I think the holidays suck. All it seems to do is make us poor poor single poeple realize how much we are lacking. That, in fact, we do not have someone to go home to after fe trudge through the cold air. I actually think winter in general sucks ass, casuse all that cold are makes me want to do is cuddle up with someone I care for.
I find you very interesting, witty, and super talented. I don't think you should worry about the female race too much. I find that the majority of us give the rest of us a bad rep. We all fall in and out of love, it's just one of the dard knocks of life yanno? You just have to keep believing in yourself, that you ARE special, and you will find someone that makes you happy, and more importantly, you make happy as well.
Season's Greetings Hotpants! May the new year bring you joy...
My ex-girlfriend meant a lot to me.
I decided to date her because she was mysterious and we had art in common. She made work that was good work, but it was 180 degrees away from my own work, which i found interesting. She was attractive but not a 'hottie' per sae, to use the parlance du jour. We kissed on new years eve and... Read More
I am tired of being a poopy-pants, so here is a new journal entry.
I hope you like it; its a version of Barbie's neeto idea of a questionair. What are your hoping for in the future?
Mine are:
1. UN kicking our arse out of Iraq and the middle east
2. Someone that will hold my head in their lap and play with... Read More
it was so cold out side i was shaking so bad! haha! i just took them to show ya all the pretty snow. It isnt some master peice.
I wish you were here to build snowmen and snow forts! it would be a grand old time!
i really nead a tripod BAD, so i can takedamn slow shutter speed pics. grrrrrrrr
I stand atop a parking structure; one of my favorite places to gain perspective. As I drink my caffiene I wait for the color to come out of the hills. For color to come back to life.
I feel crushed under the burden of my emptyness. I watch down below two men in work dress smoking and talking. Are they... Read More
I just joined up:
First question - am I a suicide girl?
OK, yes I have a peepee, what is too ya?
I makith the art and music (www.aproximation.org)
I listen to: Skinny Puppy, Mouse on Mars, pritty much anything on the Warp label, various Noise pieces.
I cook.
I have no friends.
I have worked in a cafe for 10 years making... Read More
Branding, for me at least, only hurts at the beginning. During the branding I feel kind of dizzy, just drawing the hot metal across my skin, feeling it dance as the skin below pops and sizzles. Afterword my head is clear-ish.
I did this to self medicate, and to serve as a warning for other girls who might foolishly fall in love with me: MR ROBOTO.
Im glad though that it helps me to gain the rank of suicide boy!
I completely avoided watching the balldrop and preoccupied myself on the internet to keep the X out of my head. Time heals all wounds. Just let it pass and you will survive. Make new friends, go snowboarding, make good food, watch ALOT of good movies, etc. Hope your New Years brings better things and less lonliness.