I got home from work just a moment ago. There is a girl who does the same job as me, so I only see her at shift changes, and I think she is developing some weird unspoken attachment to me. It kind of scares me cause I hate to dissapoint as I am not interested in a romantic relationship with her, and she has so...
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I need to figure out what it is that makes people glaze over when they talk to me. I know a lot of accademics, and I like to cuddle, but I'm not all that fun I think.
My new years resolution is to act on thoes urges I get all the time.
For example (exemplae gratitious e.g.) A friend of my roomate was having his...
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My new years resolution is to act on thoes urges I get all the time.
For example (exemplae gratitious e.g.) A friend of my roomate was having his...
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barbie666:
I love your theory! I don't even think you need to do any research for that.
hyde:
I think you shiould call a shrink, if they don't make you feel comfortable then don;t go back. When I went to a shrink I noticed my thoughts started to sort themselves out and I was the most balanced in my life, but I had a good Dr.
About the lips, try soft lips with menthol-lyptus, AMAZING SHIT MAN!!!
I'm partial to the theory of quantum reality and morphic resonance myself.
I live in NYC that's why I can find the fetish clubs, buckel down on that project then when you come to NYC i can SHOW YOU said fetish clubs.
And if my set will be all fetish-ified . . . you'll just have to wait and see.
Oh and no way in hell am I gonna open the can of worms that is my personal life to those children, and i mean children (at work) I'm the one photo editor in a jewelry company owned by conservative jews. these children I speak of are 17-21 and their Idea of a good time is slapping signs on eachothers backs. Just want I need "kick me I'm a homo" on my back.
[Edited on Jan 20, 2005 8:13PM]
About the lips, try soft lips with menthol-lyptus, AMAZING SHIT MAN!!!
I'm partial to the theory of quantum reality and morphic resonance myself.
I live in NYC that's why I can find the fetish clubs, buckel down on that project then when you come to NYC i can SHOW YOU said fetish clubs.
And if my set will be all fetish-ified . . . you'll just have to wait and see.
Oh and no way in hell am I gonna open the can of worms that is my personal life to those children, and i mean children (at work) I'm the one photo editor in a jewelry company owned by conservative jews. these children I speak of are 17-21 and their Idea of a good time is slapping signs on eachothers backs. Just want I need "kick me I'm a homo" on my back.
[Edited on Jan 20, 2005 8:13PM]
hyde:
hurm, Aries, are ya? You should find yourself a nice Saggitarius woman and stop trying to be so perfect. No one is perfect and you are so critical of yourself that you hardly even notice that you're more perfect than most.
...Or I could be wrong.
...Or I could be wrong.
eponine:
heh...last 2 years of school? i doubt i'll ever get there. i've been in college for 4 years already and i'm barely sure on my major.
A thousand appologies! 
I get in these dark moods and have very little to kick me out of where I am at.
I hate to make my problems other peoples problems, and that is exactly what I have been doing.
I will abstain from making such posts from now on.
Again I am sorry.
On a different note...
I will have pictures of my tat...
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I get in these dark moods and have very little to kick me out of where I am at.
I hate to make my problems other peoples problems, and that is exactly what I have been doing.
I will abstain from making such posts from now on.
Again I am sorry.
On a different note...
I will have pictures of my tat...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
hyde:
don't be sorry, it's your journal you go ahead and write whatever is on your mind. please if you have to censor yourself in your journal what else have you got.
But i really hope you try to take to heart the things I say to you.
I know what it's like to be depressed. I'm not going to say I know how you feel cause everything effects people in different ways, there is no knowing how you fee, but I can empathize. I don't know the exact name (stoned at the moment) but I have like bipolar on crack, I can change from day to day sometimes hour to hour not month to month or season to season. but I've learned to live and function with it. it's possible I tell you it's really really possible. Your reading the words of someone who first tried to kill themself at the age of 7. yes 7. it's easy to be drpressed, it's easy to fall down the hole. But after a while it doesn't take long to learn to fight it.
I've had a HARD life, (i'm thinking of writing a book, HA!) I've seen and learned a lot, and I like to share that with people I feel I can relate to. If you want to listen to the advice, I'll give it, if not, then let me know. but it's possible i tell you to learn to fight depression, drag yourself out of it. you have to consciously change the way you think. Meds and therapy with a GOOD doc can help. Maybe talking to someone who can relate.
Chin up again, and don't harbor over that girl harobr yourself. you're the one you should worry about impressing, once you think you're a cool guy so will all the chickies.
[Edited on Jan 16, 2005 1:07AM]
But i really hope you try to take to heart the things I say to you.
I know what it's like to be depressed. I'm not going to say I know how you feel cause everything effects people in different ways, there is no knowing how you fee, but I can empathize. I don't know the exact name (stoned at the moment) but I have like bipolar on crack, I can change from day to day sometimes hour to hour not month to month or season to season. but I've learned to live and function with it. it's possible I tell you it's really really possible. Your reading the words of someone who first tried to kill themself at the age of 7. yes 7. it's easy to be drpressed, it's easy to fall down the hole. But after a while it doesn't take long to learn to fight it.
I've had a HARD life, (i'm thinking of writing a book, HA!) I've seen and learned a lot, and I like to share that with people I feel I can relate to. If you want to listen to the advice, I'll give it, if not, then let me know. but it's possible i tell you to learn to fight depression, drag yourself out of it. you have to consciously change the way you think. Meds and therapy with a GOOD doc can help. Maybe talking to someone who can relate.
Chin up again, and don't harbor over that girl harobr yourself. you're the one you should worry about impressing, once you think you're a cool guy so will all the chickies.
[Edited on Jan 16, 2005 1:07AM]
eponine:
i wish i had more veins.
neat tattoo idea.
neat tattoo idea.
A pritty girl showed interest in me, kissed me, had sex with me, and then dropped me like a bad habit. She even brought over my replacement with whom I got to speak with. She is afraid of attachment.
And again I am alone.
Do you know what its like to have to invite yourself everywhere with people you hardly know? I need a friend...
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And again I am alone.
Do you know what its like to have to invite yourself everywhere with people you hardly know? I need a friend...
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hyde:
hopefully that will be soon. I saw my ex kill himself and I'm getting ready to delete you. you're a nice guy and all I just can't take too much talk like that.
but anywho on finding friends, maybe go to the "hookup" board and meet friends you make there. or join a regional group for your area.
trying to find friends/love is the WORST way to go about it. you have to consciously and unconsciously NOT look. I know it's like telling someone not to blink but that's the only way it will work. After my ex died and I didn't want anyone around me and I didn't want any serious relationship . . . i had friends over every day and was juggeling 12 guys . . . both a first for me. So don't got out LOOKING to make friends, just be open if the chance comes a long. and don't worry about being not good enough, what's that old cliche? . . . it's better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all. same thing applies, if you never try something for fear of failure, you'd never know if you would have failed or not, you never gave yourself the chance.
chin up and just worry about making you happy . . . if you leave others responsible for your happiness they'll be responsible for your misery.
[Edited on Jan 15, 2005 3:20PM]
but anywho on finding friends, maybe go to the "hookup" board and meet friends you make there. or join a regional group for your area.
trying to find friends/love is the WORST way to go about it. you have to consciously and unconsciously NOT look. I know it's like telling someone not to blink but that's the only way it will work. After my ex died and I didn't want anyone around me and I didn't want any serious relationship . . . i had friends over every day and was juggeling 12 guys . . . both a first for me. So don't got out LOOKING to make friends, just be open if the chance comes a long. and don't worry about being not good enough, what's that old cliche? . . . it's better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all. same thing applies, if you never try something for fear of failure, you'd never know if you would have failed or not, you never gave yourself the chance.
chin up and just worry about making you happy . . . if you leave others responsible for your happiness they'll be responsible for your misery.
[Edited on Jan 15, 2005 3:20PM]
I went to a free yoga session yesterday. It was interesting but the psudo-spritiuality and group-psychology was not for me. It was a heated session and I litteraly lost about a pint of water through sweat. I was slipping around on my mat trying to figure out the next pose, then trying to breath when the instructer says. Inhale - downward dog, exhale chinasomethingorother...
It...
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It...
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barbie666:
Go dancing!
hyde:
MORE PINK, MORE PINK MORE PINK
good luck on the tat.
good luck on the tat.
I hit the send button and stared at the floor. The soil hiding colors fade to the dissociative images in my head playing out the possible outcomes of calling the shrink. I pick up the phone and start dialing but the handset informs me that the batteries are out. I decide to ride to Boulder Ink and make an appointment. As I hit play on...
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eponine:
as far as storytelling goes, i think you do a pretty good job.
as for self-medicating with pain, i do that too. a little too much lately. ugh.
as far as the lip ring: i say get one. the reaction my boss had to it was kinda funny: he didn't mind when i got my labret pierced and wore that to work, but when i got the side pierced and had a RING in it? he hated that. so...i take it out at work, i've had it long enough so it doesn't close up... my boss is an odd guy.
as for self-medicating with pain, i do that too. a little too much lately. ugh.
as far as the lip ring: i say get one. the reaction my boss had to it was kinda funny: he didn't mind when i got my labret pierced and wore that to work, but when i got the side pierced and had a RING in it? he hated that. so...i take it out at work, i've had it long enough so it doesn't close up... my boss is an odd guy.
Last night I was really bad. I didnt go to sleep all night becasue I couldn't despite wanting too.
I had to find out what It was like, and it was fun till the night got that sticky yellow taint, but wouldnt stop. I was mister asshole all day today. Im gonna sleep for s many hours as I can.
Itinary:
Feel very sad.
Be...
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I had to find out what It was like, and it was fun till the night got that sticky yellow taint, but wouldnt stop. I was mister asshole all day today. Im gonna sleep for s many hours as I can.
Itinary:
Feel very sad.
Be...
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artslut:
you know? i have the same god damn problem. if i lived near you it would be cool to be your friend. wow, about 5 months ago is when i started to see that in myself too.
[Edited on Jan 09, 2005 9:27PM]
[Edited on Jan 09, 2005 9:27PM]
andain:
::petpet::
You should come out for a visit, or perhaps we can arrange some kind of midway rendezvous? Sounds to me like you need some good, non-chemical related fun. I'm sure I could find some way to provide it
::smooches::
Let me know.. ::wigglewiggle::
You should come out for a visit, or perhaps we can arrange some kind of midway rendezvous? Sounds to me like you need some good, non-chemical related fun. I'm sure I could find some way to provide it
::smooches::
Let me know.. ::wigglewiggle::
"I hoped I was getting better" said aproximation.
"I went to the bars tonight and realized that I had just burried my ultimate fear, the same fear that we all proabably have: that we wont now, not will we ever be loved. I dont mean to make assumptions as to what you all feel, but it seems to me now to be a pritty universal...
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"I went to the bars tonight and realized that I had just burried my ultimate fear, the same fear that we all proabably have: that we wont now, not will we ever be loved. I dont mean to make assumptions as to what you all feel, but it seems to me now to be a pritty universal...
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fearofdying:
thanks for the message in my profile its nice to know there are others out there who feel some of the things I do... makes me feel less alone.
The eels do hit home, but I think I need that at the moment, need the wake up call.
v.
The eels do hit home, but I think I need that at the moment, need the wake up call.
v.
synapse:
Those pictures are amazing! I really like the group from the Fort Belknap Reservation... and the one of Not Magnetic Rock. heh.
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brinny:
wow.... moving! hmmm... need a change huh? well good luck stud! 
and your new ink will be rad whatever your choice
and your new ink will be rad whatever your choice
eponine:
i wouldn't even want to walk 10 miles in nice weather. ick.
-You would only be a failure if you didn't do something to help yourself...
speaking of functioning in society, sgcolorado is doing some sort of bowling thing...somewhere. you should go. i'm not sure when it is, yet.