A pritty girl showed interest in me, kissed me, had sex with me, and then dropped me like a bad habit. She even brought over my replacement with whom I got to speak with. She is afraid of attachment.
And again I am alone.
Do you know what its like to have to invite yourself everywhere with people you hardly know? I need a friend who lives around here who i can just hang out with. 'Cept I am afraid of people being dissapointed in/with me, so I am at a loss for how to make friends.
Things are getting pritty low for me. I have a little 22 bullet I was thinking of shooting through a piece of flesh on my leg to see how it feels, but I dont have a gun.
_____________________________
Hey, guess what! I got to kiss a girl! And a pritty one too! She is really cool and perhaps she will email me from Paris where she now lives. Maybe a new friend, yay!
She is really honest and told me that she isint looking for a relationship and it made it really easy to be around her. When I kissed her she had just gotten back from a date and was going to another in the morning.
I got my tattoo, or at least the outlines. I have to save up another $250 to get the shading in the background, and another $5 to but batteries for my camera so I can take a picture and post it here so you can see!
(I promise one day to post a happy entry in my journal, just a soon as the suicidal fantisies leave me alone for long enough...)
And again I am alone.
Do you know what its like to have to invite yourself everywhere with people you hardly know? I need a friend who lives around here who i can just hang out with. 'Cept I am afraid of people being dissapointed in/with me, so I am at a loss for how to make friends.
Things are getting pritty low for me. I have a little 22 bullet I was thinking of shooting through a piece of flesh on my leg to see how it feels, but I dont have a gun.
_____________________________
Hey, guess what! I got to kiss a girl! And a pritty one too! She is really cool and perhaps she will email me from Paris where she now lives. Maybe a new friend, yay!
She is really honest and told me that she isint looking for a relationship and it made it really easy to be around her. When I kissed her she had just gotten back from a date and was going to another in the morning.
I got my tattoo, or at least the outlines. I have to save up another $250 to get the shading in the background, and another $5 to but batteries for my camera so I can take a picture and post it here so you can see!
(I promise one day to post a happy entry in my journal, just a soon as the suicidal fantisies leave me alone for long enough...)
but anywho on finding friends, maybe go to the "hookup" board and meet friends you make there. or join a regional group for your area.
trying to find friends/love is the WORST way to go about it. you have to consciously and unconsciously NOT look. I know it's like telling someone not to blink but that's the only way it will work. After my ex died and I didn't want anyone around me and I didn't want any serious relationship . . . i had friends over every day and was juggeling 12 guys . . . both a first for me. So don't got out LOOKING to make friends, just be open if the chance comes a long. and don't worry about being not good enough, what's that old cliche? . . . it's better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all. same thing applies, if you never try something for fear of failure, you'd never know if you would have failed or not, you never gave yourself the chance.
chin up and just worry about making you happy . . . if you leave others responsible for your happiness they'll be responsible for your misery.
[Edited on Jan 15, 2005 3:20PM]