Tuesday Feb 01, 2005

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Today I race around trying to get my application for the Royal Academy done and mailed, as the deadline is Friday. In london!
Eeek!

Its really just a long shot anyway...
450 people
20 slots
And I have 1 of 2 required letters of reccomendation.

Edit - later that day:
Its out of my hands now...

Monday Jan 31, 2005

0
A little adventure tonight, but first...
Work was filled with the confused. Some people didnt even know they were in a cafe I think. Perhaps everyone was still drunk. I have been perpetuating this foggy lack-of-sleep/hangover for a while now and things arn't getting done, but I am not hurting too much either.
Or perhaps just not consciously, as, well let me back up a...
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eponine:
did you get to sleep ever?
synapse:
no
no
no
no
aurgh!
hurting too much to get anything done
12 blocks of poker now
18-year-old video flakes
veiled prescription patterns
highest caliber intravenous shit
and foggy, gargantuan games
BLAST
How 'bout now?

Sunday Jan 30, 2005

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It snow'd
As we drove home last night from the party.
It was the second type of party where couples danced salsa
And outside we watched
from inside.
Giant flakes of cloud.
Its really not so bad till the morning comes, when the sadness fights its way through the booze-and-people fog and slaps you awake.
Time for work.

Then I see lots of touches here...
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synapse:
Full body fun will cheer your soul, I am sure of it. You need to have a touch party, with big flakes of fire... it will be hard to stop/start and drive to the fog.
cerah:
Heheheheheheheheh that made me giggle out loud.

I think I might be doing the mech. engineerin and then welding/steel fabrication. It makes the most sense.

Friday Jan 28, 2005

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Ghaaaa!
Hooaaa!
I scream in anticipation of your arrival.
love or death!
So you can find me!

I ran into trouble today. Can I help him or will he help me? Should i bring along another sheep, to the slaughter: me trying to get into the woods, and he trying to find his way out.
I wanna be a wolf.
Might as well.. to use...
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zombieshark:
indeed.
hyde:
thanx for the advice but I think you got a little confused with my journal. I don't have as many friends as you think and you give some of my friends multipule personality disorder. only 4 people are involved. I'm going to try to write that "drama" a little better. But thank you and don't worry about the length of your post, it felt good seeing all that, cause I know you cared and put a lot of time into it.

touching on selfdestruction. I think being selfdestructive is very easy. you feel pain inside so you cause pain on the outside to make it match. I used to be selfdestructive, but now I like to be productive, it makes me feel proud to look back at something feeling like I accomplished something. looking back on selfdestructive behavior just makes me remember the state I was in and possibly brings me back to that same state. Ya know? and drugs, i prefer to take them to see what happens, not to "self medicate/sedate" cause seriously that's just a waste of money....to me.



kiss

Wednesday Jan 26, 2005

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I am applying to the Royal Academy in the UK for grad school, provided I get my stuff togeather and there before the 4th.
That is what I am going to do tomarrow.

What do you think of my statement for the app so far?
It may be worded differently tomarrow, but the idea of focusing on systems will still be core.
Last year 450...
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eponine:
weird, i was gonna go to that anti-sweatshop thing but i'm stuck at work.
crazy times.

my therapist is a girl...talking to girls is way easier for me, although i suck at talking to pretty much EVERYONE.
i spend like 2/3 of the time just sitting around thinking of what i'm going to say, but i always wimp out. i fail at human interactions.
brinny:
i really do like it alot! good work and good luck!
kiss wink

Tuesday Jan 25, 2005

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Here I am.
There are many things I must do today, but none of thoes things I feel to driven to do.
So I will turn up the music, sniffle, and get to work.

Oh, and the majority of the personalities in my head lobby to express much loves to thoes here in SGland! kiss
I guess im feeling sensitive... (awww blush )

Grrrrr, and away I...
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cerah:
Hahahhaahhaa... thanx I hope I'm happy with whatever my messed up brain decides on too.
samanthakayne:
personally, i just don't like the sound quality as well at the Ogden. and that combined with it's size (a little big for my tastes) and the fact that they oversell and pour short... not my fave. but not bad enough that i won't go or anything... smile

have you applied to SGCO? if you have, i'll approve you and that's all you have to do...

Monday Jan 24, 2005

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I can connect with everyone but connect with no one...

This silly shrink. I tell him unabashedly (almost) everything I can and he thinks mindfullness will fix me right up (after asking about my interest in meds). I don't think anything can fix me right up.
Grrrrr.
I'm such a weakling. I even got another appointment with him to spend another pile of money on...
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godiva666:
Honey, save yourself some time... lose the shrink. I've been there, and now I'm here, and I'm no better off. I find that ranting helps. And booze... lots of it.

Spinny

Sunday Jan 23, 2005

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Cough, Cough, Cough...
Why dost thou torment I?
Sniffle, Sniffle, Sniffle...
You impeed my function so.
Oh forgive me body (so I can punish you more biggrin )
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hyde:
get a vicks vaporizer, helped me so much when I had the flu.

No pics yet, I'll announce when you should expect them.

we ended up with 17 inches of snow, some snow drifts 5 feet high in places.

*snowbound*
kiss
madscience_7:
Im not sure what I like about the Japanese. They are one of the few that I know about so that makes them cool by default.

Saturday Jan 22, 2005

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Im a gettin betta, slowly but surely.
Still angst ridden about seein the conformancy expert on Monday.
Will I let him help me?
What will I be without my colorfull pain?
I used to say "Embrace the sacrifice to bleed the brilliant colors."
Will my new saying be "be happy, buy an SUV and become a sofware engineer"?
I dont want that. I don't want...
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synapse:
the-rapist(s) haven't taken away my personality, yet.... they didn't want to make me conform to any type of standard, unless, it was to belong to the group of the living. Fairly dramatic today I am... Oh, and if only I had somone to rotate me and sponge me down... I could move mountains with my eyelids... mountains!
wyspurr:
i love the term "conformacy expert"
i work in a coffee shop too...but i still find the time for my addiction. i'm quite odd in that the smell and taste repulse me now, but i still must drink it. when i worked around burgers, i couldn't eat meat.

yes...i most definately need more tat work done.

i'm hoping the sledgehammers and drills they use to break apart the foundation aren't too loud.

by the by...do you have an im?

Friday Jan 21, 2005

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The extent of my day:
Cough.
Moan "Oh my head..."
Sleep.
Repeat.
puke

I have an appointment with a head shrinker on Monday!
I also rediscovered I hate TV.

I need someone to take care of me. frown
No I don't! I'm a rock.
...

I'll be fine in th AM.
godiva666:
I need someone to take care of me, because I'm tired of being resilient and tough. Just don't tell anyone.

Spinny
hyde:
I'm pretty good at taking care of myself But I usually end up hibernating till I'm better.

I love Ghost in the Shell, haven't seen part 2 yet. I like ainime and henti. hahaha kiss

Thursday Jan 20, 2005

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I got home from work just a moment ago. There is a girl who does the same job as me, so I only see her at shift changes, and I think she is developing some weird unspoken attachment to me. It kind of scares me cause I hate to dissapoint as I am not interested in a romantic relationship with her, and she has so...
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synapse:
That's just lovely, getting a nice compliment like that. It's great how little things like that can just make your day. HIgh-five on calling a therapist. It's done wonders for me... it brought me back from the dead a few years ago, and has kept me *almost* pleasantly sane since. I'm actually making a similar call this week - I haven't seen anyone since I moved here a few months ago.

-You would only be a failure if you didn't do something to help yourself...
eponine:
hurray for getting cured.
speaking of functioning in society, sgcolorado is doing some sort of bowling thing...somewhere. you should go. i'm not sure when it is, yet.
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