apostrophenow

Meanwhile, your journal entry sounds like some pretty heavy stuff. Best of luck with that. I occasionally experience sleep paralysis and that can be a rather scary and unpleasant experience but I have never woken up thinking that I am dying. One time after performing some basic exercises in controlled breathing, being still and clearing my mind, I had an experience which is perhaps analogous to what you have described. After I had finished the exercises and I started to move about and I suddenly realised that all of my family were going to die. I don't mean that I thought they were about to die right that minute. I was acutely aware of their mortaliy and the fact that one day at an unknown point in the future they would die. I had always known on an intellectual level that my family were destined one day to die but I had never believed it on an emotional level. This realisation just jumped into my head like a flash of insight. I suppose we all assume that things will always stay the same but the fact is that people age and die and the wheel of time keeps moving. However, the realisation that everyone would die made me feel that way that I would feel if they actually had died. I found my self weeping uncontrollably. I was particularly upset about the thought that my mum would die. The weird thing is that the realisation didn't come during meditation but afterwards.

i can't even remember how many times i somehow drifted off to sleep, positive that i wouldn't be waking up in the morning alive, yet somehow survived. how will i know when my time is up?