apostrophenow

One time, when I was 15, I tried to make candy out of coffee and brown sugar.

It was inedible, but I refused to throw it away. I kept the nuggets in a plastic bag. I was determined to feed them to some hungry animals. Because I hated to see "food" go to waste - I always tried to feed it to hungry animals. For some reason, I thought ducks might be interested in these nuggets.

I got up early on a Sunday morning, and rode my bike to the park. Y'know the one; the one with a big stinky pond in the middle full of ducks and whatnot. I stood near the edge, eyeing a flock of ducks waddling to and fro and eyeing me back uncertainly "Quack?"

I took the baggy out my pocket and shook some nuggets into my hand; sometimes the ducks trust you and come eat out of your hand. Ducks are kind of stupid. Some ducks raced over and looked at the nuggets. They wouldn't come any closer, so I threw some nuggets at them. They ran away.

Well, Shit. What am I going to do with these nuggets? I put one in my mouth, I guess I was thinking that time had somehow mellowed the excruciatingly bad taste of my "candy". It didn't. I held the bag up to the sun, and stared at the nuggets as the light played through them. I felt like a jackass. I started home.

I didn't get very far, a police cruiser pulled up beside me and the dick inside yelled "Pull over!"

What now? I thought. The Cop asked me what I was doing at the park.

I told him. Then he asked me what was in my pockets. I pulled out the nuggets.

He arrested me for possession of "heroin".

Moral to the story... don't feed the ducks.