"The Death, thou shalt die! Blues"
Not too far from here there is an interesting stretch of geography abounding with hoodoos.
I borrowed my cousins mountain bike and rode there.
I got a flat and ended up walking back.
Somewhere in between I munched on a large gold cap mushroom, which is an ill-advised thing to do when traipsing in the desert.
But it was strange and beautiful...
long drooping ethereal coral colored spaghetti strands connected the clouds. Slow-motion raindrops seemed to fall intermittently out of nowhere. Critters scurried around, every now and then something would run right up to me, look me in the eye, and then speed away. I didn't much like that. I became a bit fearful that something would climb me and scratch my face.
I heard a distant rumbling sound, I stopped, sat down on a rock, cupped a hand to my ear like an old man straining to catch a spoken word. After a while I forgot what the point of it was. What was I doing? Breathing. The distant rumbling was the sound of my breath. A sensation like floating came over me. I seemed to experience a lapse in gravity and I felt like there was no up or down. I had to lie down on the ground until I got my bearings.
I thought about all the things I take for granted. It occured to me that I'd lost sight of what I'd learned from almost dying for the fifth time. I've said and done so many stupid things in a very short period of time. See that picture up there of me with the beer and the fireworks? That was the day I was released from the hospital. I'd planned on living each day to the fullest. Every day since then I feel as though I've been slipping back into the coma I awoke from.
I made my way home. I was tired as fuck, but I felt a rush of inspiration. I arranged the surroundsound speakers in a tight circle and sprawled out on the livingroom floor in the center, I listened to some Coltrane.
I thought about my best friend who's afraid to fly on an airplane and refuses to travel anywhere outside of Arizona; who hates black and white movies and lied about his education to get a job supervising children with special needs; who ripped off my guitar licks and then turned around and told everyone I get stage fright when I'm stoned -just to make me look bad... what a jerk!
I started to feel better about myself. I had the sunny thought that it was all worth it. Every bullshit thing I ever went through to get to where I am. Nothing was wasted time. I went from wanting to feel nothing to wanting to feel everything. I felt tears of joy well up in my eyes, this too was strange and beautiful.
I wish I could tell you something profound here, but everything that could be said is used up and cliche. You draw your own conclusions. And try to be fearless.
I want to thank hoodoos and mushrooms, critters and gravity, Coltrane and my stupid best friend... oh yeah and my cousin for letting me borrow his bike.
Much gratitude.
