........i dont reccomend drinking 17 shots in two hours..... it makes for a bad morning afterwards.......

damn tequila.........

so july fourth i got smashed to all shit and i think i was taken adavantage of by one of my drunk friends.......but, i dont really remeber anything past my 12th shot.......so yea........wow. then i had to work........and i worked 10 and a half hours...... i was...
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the fourth of july........woohoo.............
im finally working........it will be nice to have money.......my checking account is hovering near zero.......my savings is under......eek..............the past week has been a nightmare.........but then, so has the past year..........i wish i could just even out and not be affected by everything............actually slept alot last night into the morning.........woke up and everything hit me again........grrr....not fun......oh well right? sure.................my brother bought...
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so i dreamed i was dead.........
i woke up anyway..................
i dont know where im going....
but i seem to be stuck in the same place ive always been.....................
i forgot what i wanted.............
i dont remember how to hope..
this place is so damn constricting....
i just want to breathe.............
i just want to breathe without thinking

..........insomnia sucks.............
..........depression sucks.............
...........divorce sucks.................
i have insomnia, im horribly depressed and im officialy divorced now..................................
im trying desperately to not think of driving my car into a telephone pole....
i guess im a little dramatic no?

going to go get drunk tonight..........feels like im falling ever downward....


if you dont have garbage's very rare trance mix of milk then what are you waiting for.......go.........

.....sigh.......

im not an angry person generally.....a tad bit negative....but a nice person....i like to think anyway...i believe in karma for the most part, and i like being nice to people.....it makes me feel good i think...

......but everytime i think of her i feel so burned and hatefull.....i wish death upon the whole damn world....i think of her and i get ill........not because of her,...
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.......6 am. lovely. stayed up all night and my friend gave me a sleeping pill of somewhat at around 2 or 3....didnt work obviously. i watched cheaper by the dozen last night....and before that i watched moores new movie....it was a pretty good movie....i dislike bush even more than yesterday...and i really didnt like him yesterday...im so dissiliousioned with politics in general...kerry wont do a...
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.........ow. my head hurts. to recap today.... i dont sleep at night. i got a job, i start thursday....i had a dream that my ex and i got back together... then i woke up and was sad....so i went back to sleep and proceeded to sleep the actual day away...woke up sometime around 7 in the evening...showered and went to chilis to visit alexandria....came home...
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huh...........so i got a job...yeah!.....im going to cook at chilis......just what i always wanted......to be back in the food service industry...i guess i shouldnt complain though, its a job and it will pay actually money.....maybe my bills will start to be paid on time......maybe not... ......went for breakfast with my seattle friend alex, then we went to the bookstore and wandered for an hour or...
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friday night........... i actually went out...well no, i went over to my friends house and watched movies, but thats better than staying at home being a creature of the darkness right?.....right..........so after court on tuesday ive been a lazy lethargic sob.....ive been sleeping and just not carring much.....didnt shower for 3 days. whoohoo.........(i finally did shower today)......i suppose i should snap out of it and...
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