aponia

I'm home in NJ. My mom went into the hospital earlier today delerious. My dad called hours later, around 8pm, sobbing, telling me that they were not sure if she was going to live through the night.

I sat in the car while my boy drove. It was the longest drive of my life. I was looking at the moon crying. Trying to figure out how to pray, since its been a very long time.

Her kidneys are no longer functioning, she has a blood infection (she's septic), her blood pressure is low and she slips in and out of shock and consciousness. I couldn't help but cry when I saw her. We spent time with her, as she went from the emergency room to the ICU. I held her hand, I kissed her lips, I spoke to her. When she told me she loved me I nearly lost it. Afterwards I hugged my dad in the lobby and sobbed. We're sleeping in Jersey, waking up and going back.

I don't know if she'll be with me, I don't know if I'll ever see her again, I don't know if she'll live past tomorrow.

I'm not ready to lose my mom. I can't imagine life without her.

If you pray to anything, please keep her in your prayers and thoughts.