I just got home from visiting my mom. She's in intesive care so I could only see her between 2pm and 5:30.
I don't know...I was quiet. I didn't really want to talk. I didn't like how my dad was being so light-hearted. I watched my cousin cry in the waiting room, because she didn't want to let go of my mom yet. I try not to think about that, but it just feels like every trip to the hospital is one step closer, you know? And I feel horrible for thinking like that, but I can't help it. I visit the hospital now as much as I see my parents house.
And I never seem to cry or get upset until I get home. I feel like my quietness came off as lack of caring...and I didn't mean it that way. I want to call my mom very badly right now, but I can't. No phones in ICU.
So I feel lonely, kind of weepy, wanting more then anything to hold my moms hand.
I just don't want to cry anymore...I'm just sick of feeling like my guts have been ripped out.
I would give everything I have to give my mom a really good year, you know? Its just not fair.
I don't know...I was quiet. I didn't really want to talk. I didn't like how my dad was being so light-hearted. I watched my cousin cry in the waiting room, because she didn't want to let go of my mom yet. I try not to think about that, but it just feels like every trip to the hospital is one step closer, you know? And I feel horrible for thinking like that, but I can't help it. I visit the hospital now as much as I see my parents house.
And I never seem to cry or get upset until I get home. I feel like my quietness came off as lack of caring...and I didn't mean it that way. I want to call my mom very badly right now, but I can't. No phones in ICU.
So I feel lonely, kind of weepy, wanting more then anything to hold my moms hand.
I just don't want to cry anymore...I'm just sick of feeling like my guts have been ripped out.
I would give everything I have to give my mom a really good year, you know? Its just not fair.
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*gigantic hugs*
Maybe it might help you if when you get home and you have the urge to call and you can't, if you write down what you would say if you could call.
I started doing that with people recently. I've found that sometimes writing things down is more satisfying then actually saying them to the person.
If you ever need anyone to talk about you can talk to me. It seems like you're going through alot of stuff that I can level with you on.
I hate ICU. It's always so cold and it's a good thing you don't cry while you're there cause their tissues suck.