aponia

I want to write to everyone, but I just can't muster enough happy thoughts to do so.

I've just been a real mess as of late. I've been crying every morning and every night. I can't even think happy thoughts about my mom without sobbing. I've never gone this long without talking to her. How am I supposed to go another like 60 years? Its just all too much. Sometimes it feels like I'm only using will power to keep going, because if it was up to me I'd throw in the towel.

This is, without exaggeration, the single hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I just feel pain and sadness all the time, and sometimes its just overwhelming, much more then I can bare.

I hate to dwell, but its hard to think about anything else. The commercials for the holidays are just so depressing. I wish I could go live in a hole until January 2nd.