aponia

This is what it says on my mom's prayer cards:

"God saw you were getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So he put his arms around you
And whispered, "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you,
And saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly,
We could not make you stay.

A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best."


I picked it out. But my dad and my sister agreed with me that it was perfect. It was my mom to a T. She would have liked it.

I'm finally home in Philly. I don't think I remember ever feeling this tired. Its been a long weekend. Instead of coming home last night I canceled my tattoo appointment and spent the evening over my friends house, I've known them for over 10 years, they're my family, so it was nice being with them on this birthday.

It was an end to a birthday that amazingly wasn't that bad. The mass for my mom was sad, but I did get to go out to breakfast with family members I never get to see. Then I spent a few hours in the afternoon talking to my dad, just one on one. It was hard seeing him so broken up and sad, but it was nice we spent some quality time together. Then I went to the dinner. My mom wouldn't have wanted me to be sad on my birthday. Which, actually, was her entire plan. She should have been hospitalized days earlier then she was, but she didn't want to, she didn't want to be in the hospital during my birthday, she didn't want me upset. I know she didn't make it, but I'll forgive her for that. She wanted so badly to be around for my birthday and I think that is the nicest thing anyone will ever do for me. She was worried about me up until the end, always thinking about other people.

Now that all the hub bub is over, I kind of change my feelings about my dad and sister. I think, if anything, this has brought us all closer together. I think this made my dad realize you need to to tell loved ones how important they are to you before its too late. And I'm even hugging my sister, which I never thought would happen. I'm going to keep in close contact with everyone and I'm going to make sure my dad hears from me a few times a week, with a visit or two while i'm unemployed.

My entire life has changed in the course of 6 days...its amazing. Just utterly amazing.

Tonight I'm going for a consultation for my tattoo. I want a jack o lantern, but not now. Not after everything..I need something more sentimental. So its going to be knitting related. Hopefully I can get it done early this week.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I promise I will get back to all of you eventually, when I'm finally settled.

The most important thing I've learned through all of this...always makes sure everyone you love knows what they mean to you. Its the most important thing you can do...