apocdistroyer

its funny how lost we as humans get ...
we spend our lives scraping and grabing for whatever we can never truly letting go for we know we will die someday so we dont want .. maby to be alone maby still not to be rembered... but no matter why we grab and hold what we can if we refuse to let go of the...
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random update.... im alive... and getting better... it will be a long time till im ok but im happyer... thats good enouf i guess. well i wish something went on ... but basicly its life as usal ... and tetious life sucks... but we live on... ok o ya im alone again... no frends... i seem to be that way a lot... but i guess...
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you know ... this shit is so fucked up... we as humans spend all our lives searching for peaces of ourselves ... and peace... but all we find is a contuous bombardment of diffrent ideals and realitys that just destrots what we are looking for untill we forget what we set out to find... i long ago... wanted peace... nothing fancy just someone who cared...
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i seriously need a change.. my friends are enimes in descise sadly i seem to have trip over the sheat they were hiding under and now i see them for what they are... nieves... shes her ... i love her .. she cares for me .. but she doesnt love me... i wish but i cant force it .. that wouldnt be love...my friends well...
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its funny ... life in darkness we find our greatest light and in light our most terrable darkness... im alone .. i dont even get hits here ... but its ok ... im not done ... i am alive .. for once im alive... not battling some dumbass that thinks its ok to beat his girlfriend.. just alive cause im me.. i dont know if...
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my katana came ... the tsuba is bent .... fuck... but its beautiful ... its been a while since ive had a real sword... not the training ones that brake every few mounths cause im to rough... i miss being happy not nessacarly the fackt of being someones ... just being happy the uncontrolable feeling of happness... and smileing ... hell i havent smiled .....
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love joy hope fear death dispair ... all illusions all things the mind creates and contends with to answer questions of weather or not we are worth what we do.. we are what we create and what we ask for ?? or so ive been told... it seems that way... again i feel the goddess and i dont feel alone... i probly lost nieves... shes...
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only one thing fucking world .. the solstace was last night but i got called in to cover this dumb fucks shift cause he was fired...and the rotten little pile of shit nocked me a few good.... i come to cover for someones mistakes and i get beat up ... fucking no weapons pollicy... i sware im carring at least a knife from now on......
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todays another boring shitty one ... my katana still isnt here yet... cry....
i hate life ... its so pathetic these days... all i can think of right now is what ive lost ...trying to be posative.... but its hard since im alone all the fucking time...im getting better at my swordplay ... my tec. is still choppy ... i just cant seem to get...
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... sleepy and tired but alive ... im happer these days lonly but its ok. . im getting a new sword soon ... smiles its kinda expenceive but i love blades and its more than worth it... i love swords... this ones hand forged and its prity old .. ill get it apraized wonce it arives ... so soon.....

chrismass is here ... the winter...
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