apocdistroyer

... today its been over 3 mounts since me and nieves broke up... we stayed friends and shes been doing ok.. but ive been so angry and sad that i guess its been blinding me ... ive tryed everything and tonight at another day of bordum on night shift... i hurd a guy on love line 20 years old just like i was 5 years ago unsure of himself and couldnt make desions for himself... i just about puked and then it hit me ... if i dont move forward id end up like him... i may love nieves but we cant be togeter and all i can do now is move forward ... and as usal the affermation that its time doesnt give the thing to go to... i want to be happy but happyness for me is rarely found... i think thats why i do so much for others i exceped that theres not much i can do for me... but i can make the world i live in a little better even if its one person at a time...its a start... with all the demoicy in the us theres days its rare to find true untatened light... but when you do its worth fighting to protect it..... i realy dont know what to do ... but i know that i need to at least start working out again... im getting flabby and tired... and i cant sleep forever like i have been... life doesent have an obligation to you you have one to it... so ok ... now what...??? i hate it when you have the idea and the curent to move but no direction... but thats the fact of life and egzistance...
i hope i can find my hope again.. but untill then ill just train and try to look for it ... but i half to agree i half to stop making one person my only reason for living ... its realy hard to move on when all you have been for almost 3 years is just in one isntant worth nothing and you half to start making it on why you want and you dont realy know what that is...