Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him... there was Sir Santa of Claus: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dino-bones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators who were awoken by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year; for many were killed!
Merry friggin Christmas!
but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.