So... I am in an open marriage. My husband and I actually decided to enter into an ENM marriage in February of this year when I told him I wanted to open up my sexuality and be all of who I have been holding back while being monogamous the last 9.5 years of the 10 years we have been together. Now, at first, my husband was totally excited and, of course, as a man thought, "FUCK YEA, I AM GETTING LAID BY TWO WOMEN!" Oh, but this was only the tip of the iceberg.
Once we entered into the LS he met a woman that he developed feelings for very quickly. I actually knew he was in love with her before he did and yes, there was a part of me who was scared, but the bigger part of me was excited for him and the possibility of what this could bring for him. I also met a woman and developed feelings for her that developed into love pretty quickly. In addition I met a guy who I developed strong feelings for. I knew I was bi-sexual but neither of us realized that we were polyamorous or that we could develop such strong feelings for people outside of our marriage and it scared us both a bit. My husband is still working through a lot of his fears and insecurities with me being with another man... but we are working through it.
In March my husband began falling, a lot, and we weren't sure what was going on. At the beginning of April he fell in the shower and laid there going in and out of consciousness for 6 hours while I was at work. He didn't have his phone and couldn't call for help. He was taken to the hospital and we were told that night that he had a brain tumor. The month of April became a bit of a blur as, on top of the tumor, I lost the job I had recently taken because I didn't have enough PTO and didn't qualify for FMLA (total bullshit by the way, I will NEVER return to corporate again!!) My husband had a successful surgery and had 98 to 99% of the tumor removed. The rest of May was a lot of recovery but, in the midst of this, we were still in the LS (as we had discussed it and agreed that we weren't leaving as we had received a lot of love and support through it). This resulted in some fights that seemed to be about the LS, but really weren't, they were really things related to stress and things that had been under the surface of our relationship for years, that needed to come out.
The month of June was chemo and radiation and a little bit of breathing room. It gave us time to start talking and processing it all. It also brought me to the number 1 thing that cancer taught me, "NOTHING IN THIS WORLD MATTERS OTHER THAN BEING ALIVE TODAY." Yea, that's it, because fuck everything else... your bills are really bullshit, the "things" you thought you wanted... bullshit, and all of that crap that was underneath our relationship... bullshit.
This brought us to the July and we went to a meet and greet at the end of June that triggered some things for my husband and brought us to an argument that we needed to have. We decided to take a break from the LS and work on us. I also woke up to the fact that the guy I was trying so hard to have a relationship with... didn't really want a relationship with me, which was evident not by his words, but by his actions.
The last 2 weeks have been so good in all of the very best ways. My husband and I have had some of the BEST conversations we have ever had. We are more connected than we have ever been. We are having the best sex we have ever had and this is ALL due to entering into ENM. Yes, it has it's issues, but what good thing in life doesn't come with its problems? I wouldn't trade ANY of it for this incredible new marriage and life we have now!
