apathy

There falls no shadow where There shines no sun.~
Hilaire Belloc ~

I swear on everything alive, that while i was on the phone being just told a beautiful soul had passed, that at that very moment the star pendant on my belly ring broke and fell to the floor.
I swear on everything alive, that while Randy asked to be proved that the world still had left a bit of magick in it, that when i wished for two warm things to sleep easier during the cold nights that within a couple minutes i was the proud new owner of a perfectly dirty beautiful soft fluffy long white cashmere scarf. I made it into a hood-scarf and was oh so very comfy. First thing next morning a racecar driver gave me a brand new super warm down sleepingbag that i never ever got cold in. Randy just shook his head. I couldnt ever convince
him that being alive could be a great ride, it was all a matter of perspective. Ive had some times that could be considered horrible, but I laughed it off, chalking it off as either a lesson, an experience or a good story.

But the magick in my life took a vacation for awhile. It got tired of its sporadic long working hours. When its benefits were cut, and pension suspended, it had a nervous breakdown and went on unemployment.
I got attacked by a hornet, and evicted from my two day home all within the same two minutes. When I decided to hitch out of town despite outstanding warrents (for being poor, really), the first car to pull over was a cop, and still being within the province I was still lucky in the way that I got off with a "promise to appear" contract.
It was sad that I couldnt travel around for too long, that court date i too often debated showing up for at all. It all just seemed so pointless. Court = crime, and me with the sinful act of having really shitty luck. What a hazard to society I have been.
The way back was one of those times, that the world just maybe puts you through to try and find your breaking point. I got my first sunburn (ever), and waited forever for rides. I seemed to keep forgetting my water in rides. Ourson especially missed the water. He'd look up at me and do his thing where he asks in only the way a dog can, for some god dammed fucking H2o. I felt horrible. Id always give him the last drop instead of taking it myself. Ive always worked it out that way. Even if all the money ive got left is just enough for a bag of dog food, i will go without. He has saved my life 3 times, I owe him big... but thats another story, for another time, if i'd even tell it at all.
Sometimes, monsters do exist. They take the forms of humans who you were tricked into trusting. I did not know of the word Malecious until I lived with somebody who was.

I am posting a video, of my doggie Ourson's birthday. I made him a special doggie cake and filmed it, so, well, he acts like a dog while wolfing it down. I loves him so much. When we fall asleep, he HAS to cuddle, as if he needs it for survival, and if im too busy reading or something to notice him staring at me with that I WANT TO CUDDLE expression (that is hard to not giggle at, and if i do, it will provoke a butt wiggle and tail whip dance) he will start to whine. It makes me feel special to be so loved, so sometimes i will pretend to not hear him whine and he will hmph and nuzzle his way into my arms so that I am hugging him while holding my book. Then ill pat my shoulder and he will put his head there, extend an arm across my top, make a big exaggerated sigh, nuzzle his muzzle and close his eyes. Its hard to not fall in love over and over with him. I feel very lucky to have such a funny little loving creature. Its hard to fall asleep sometimes, feeling my heart do finicky things when its just bursting with colors and twinkly noises that great love provokes. I fall in love with everything. I fall in love too much. I am lucky to have some great friends/siblings to love too.

Also, I am posting some photos of current adventures (I havent a camera, so theyre random things from random people) and posting some more photos of some greatness I did with a great man named dwaynehanley. He's one of those assholes (and i mean that in the best way possible) that can pretty much do anything. I met him while he tattooed someone, and then a year later, while I was sitting in a cubby hole, on a grey wet day, he crouched down with me and we talked about things that you talk about while you're in a cubby hole. He offered to do something awesome the sort of thing I had all abandoned. I stared at those photos for so long afterwards..This is some of what we did:



This is me an Ourson, doin what I do, kicking rocks, until chance or luck finds me, cause im lookin for it.


Dwam took these,

(I grew a lil penis)


The sky was the same before she came to meet me, then it was sunny, then as she left it rained and looked again like this. Apocolypse sky.