apathy

The boy on the bicycle was on repeat with his `Choose Life` mantra and it took me more than a little while to realize he meant i had given up. The wind blew that construction tarp through my mind until the snow was here to stay and I remembered that car ride and the first little white flake and how sweared so loud and long i woke up my nodded out driver. Maybe I have stationary depression, the only game plans I run through are all the other places to be. Ive started forming my own pack even if im aware it cuts opportunity in half. Little Am-Staff baby will come outta her mothers cunt in the next two weeks and i will have the smallest thing to cuddle and survive with again and poke when the snoring gets too loud. I think of two things when i wake up in the morning, palmtrees, and FUCK. I dream through my bunny`s freedom hop as often as my own. I wished for another angel holding onto words of mercury rising and sun shining until i couldnt take the wishing anymore and decided to take some direct action. Get me into that motherfucking country so i can lay under the motherfucking palm trees instead of the motherfucking snowbank. One last run before I cover myself with immobile bandages, imaginary strength and courage.
How would it feel to lead the whole world into holocaust, your eyes were trying to hide that you wish you had that power, a costume to hide behind. Have you forgotten what you are or are you that ashamed naked?
THIS IS GROUND CONTROL DO YOU COPY? we yelled from the top of the balcony to all the silent people below pretending not to hear. They arent speaking, smiling looking or even breathing towards each other. I feel like i am staring at pigeons. Silent buses and waiting rooms make me fidgety. I dont know what im supposed to do, and by the looks of it neither does anybody else, but god damm this silence and ignorance and...
'I could find you anywhere, little beacon,' he said through vampire teeth and sonar pain. I pulled the safety blanket over their eyes, this beautiful world I encouraged and spun two-sided coins for their amusement. I think it was just all fear, of how sweet life can be, bear interpreted in dreams asleep next to me, in the spaceship tent with pockets for your feet. I want to be further away from the sounds of the metronome and the soul-suckers and anything that makes sense. I want back what i havent lost.
Are you still so deluded as to believe yourself a prophet, and have you found your messiah yet? How many times has she changed faces? You get what you put in, effortless creature.

Yesternight I am somewhere in the maze of metro stations sleeping with a panhandling friend near me watching I dont get eaten by lions. I wake up to somebody calling me a cumdumpster, a dirty girl he wouldnt touch with a stick, and the abstract words go on for awhile until im awake enough to be mad at his presence that still hasnt continued onto its merryfuckingway. So with my hat still pulled over my eyes a little I get up quickly to this stranger, give a good shove and knock off his hat. I was on the floor just as his hat fell and I saw the color.... red. Ohhh shit ive just shoved a motherfucking cop and now im in motherfucking handcuffs being pulled into a motherfucking secret room all because my motherfucking anger problem with a thousand new bruises forming all over my body.
Well, its been awhile since ive been beatup by a man I say, and yes we saw your record was all they answered in between silly insults that were a waste of time. He asked me if i had any vaginal infections, I dont fuck men, so i dont have any infections, sorry, i like girls is all. And thats when i saw his eyes. This motherfucking cop with these motherfucking brown eyes staring at me like all the rest of the motherfucking old men who think because i panhandle i must suck a cheap cock too. No amount of money in the world could be offered to me to get on my knees and do what some girls do for habits. Dont get me wrong, I respect and think nightladies on the corner have alot of motherfucking courage and a strong mind, but it just isnt possible thing to do in my cozy little world.
What do you think my eyes say dirty girl? said the red hat and the military pants. I think they say that tonight, while you are jerking off, it is me who you will be thinking about. His eyes shinned and it became jokes and I kicked and enjoyed the physical pain the whole way up the escalators and out the door. I gotta figure me out some of those pressure points and how the handcuff trick didnt work this time. Im like a little doll when it comes to being arrested. Flung all around the map an shit.
So, all in all, another $100 ticket for laying down in a public area that will never get paid.
Waste of motherfucking paper.