anyanka_____

I have decided that I need more friends. I mean, not just people that are nice to me and chat along with me about whatever....real friends. People who GET ME, people who understand that sometimes everyone goes a little crazy and who can handle it. People who have similar interests as I do, or if they don't...also don't judge me for being different from them. I feel like I'm a friendly, good person most of the time, and yet I find myself lonely alot of the time. I guess everyone goes through patches like these, they just suck more when you are going though it. I mean, I know I shouldn't bitch all the time, because no one wants to listen to that..but where else am I going to let it out if not here? (Don't answer that...) I lost my fiance about a month ago and with that went most of my friends, that is to say...friends of his I made that left me when things ended. Then there are my few friends....they all moved to other states, countries or we lost touch. I have a few friends of my own, I'm not totally lame..it's just that I feel I never seem them these days and I'm not sure why really....but it makes me sad. It's hard to recover from so much loss at one time..I mean these are the people in my life....I lost almost all of my pets this year which is arguably worse than my fiance breaking up with me for no apparent reason. So that being said, I'm feeling very dissatisfied with life at the moment and am feeling the need to take a deep breath and begin a fresh page. New start, new friends, new art, new animals....(eventually)....I want to learn to improve myself....become that girl I always wished I was capible of being. Maybe some day, I'll live my fantasy...to be truely happy .....deeply in love and secure with myself and my place in life...I want intensity....truth..love happiness.....what can I say, I'm a romantic, and I'm a very silly girl....so somewhere deep inside I want to believe it's out there. Ok, that's enough for now....I have purged....