anyanka_____

I would like to say thank you to everyone for their kind words, and support. The past week has been really rough on me. I have made alot of discoveries about myself as a person, and have come to the conclusion it's not a person I want to be. Right now, I am a girl who has no self control, no respect for obligations to myself and the ones I'm closest to. I try, but I fail, every time. I am small and weak, and I need to learn how to become the good person I was on my way to becoming before my world was turned upside down. I am making some major changes. I have to, there is no more try, just do. It's the only way. For starters, I'm going back to church...yeah that's right...I know alot of people on here are anti-christian...and that is your opinion, you are welcome to scoff if you want, but Jesus loves me damn it! The Bible tells me so! Anyway, I have discovered I have this wierd dietary disease where I can't have any gluten(wheat,barley,rye..and I think oats too) This cuts out a considerable amount of food I enjoy on a regular basis, so that is a big change in my life as well, it's going to take me a while to get into that groove. I'm also giving up alcohol for the time being until I can get myself to a place where I have some self control, espechally while drinking. And here's the hardest one of all, no more sex. At least, not until I'm in a serious relationship again, and even then, I think I will be waiting until I'm sure it is stable enough in other matters first, which means waiting several months in, till there is real love there. Is this in insane amount of stuff I expect to accomplish, you bet your ass it is! Do I think I can do it? I dunno, but I hope so, and I know I can only do it if I work on it one day at a time, in baby steps. I'm very lucky that I have a family that I can talk to about everything, and that L even through all the mess I've dragged him through, and even though he has moved away, still calls me everyday and checks up on me, so make sure I am ok. He calls because he loves me inspite of everything. He really is an amazing guy, and I'm lucky to still have him as a friend in my life. Espechally, after everything that has happened between us. He has every right to hate me and never want to speak to me ever again, but he understands that we both need time to be ourselves and grow, and figure our own shit out, and that I am going to fuck it up before I get it, but he knows I'm trying..and he loves me anyway. Lastly, I am leaving SG, after this month. It's just costing me too much, and although I have met alot of fun people on here, I just need to step away right now. It is the right thing I'm afraid. So, as flattered as I am by the sudden increase in fried requests, at this point, it's really not worth bothering, as I won't be on here for much longer anyway.... ....ok, so that's that. I am a stick in the mud to a bunch of you reading this, I'm sure. But it's my decision, and I've tried this wild and reckless girl act and it's hurting too many people I love, including me. So that's it, I'm out.
Take care everyone!