Mucho funniness in Rome. Forgot to take condoms and I figured it'd be hard to find some in the Catholic capital of the world. But I was wrong. Found a vending machine in the middle of a clothes shop. And I'm not talking about the kind of machine you get in gents' toilets. This was like a chocolate machine, with a glass front and about thirty varieties. So anyway, they were all in Italian, so I just got a random box of Durex.

Later on, and the girlfriend and I are shagging, and I'm suddenly thinking "I'm not feeling anything." Then I remember that Durex make some kind of condom to stop people cumming too quickly. My girlfriend checked the box and the 'ingredients' contained the same anaesthetic as cough sweets. I'd anaesthetised my penis.