Sometimes the simplest things can turn out to be the biggest decisions...
I don't want to be 35 looking back at my life, talking of regret and un-accomplishment. Thinking of how many years I wasted partying. Giving up my dreams, my life and my soul for a days worth of pleasure...my stomach gets into knots thinking about it.
To many times have I had friends much older than me talk of resentment and apathy. "That's what we call it, chasing the dream because that's all it is now. I was going to do so much man!..." words that seem to echo from every addict.
If I know I don't want to end up that way why can't I stop?
I can't live my life with regrets. I won't do it...but the truth is I don't know for certain.
It drives me crazy knowing that there is a very high likely hood in 15 years I'll be smoking meth with some young buck telling them stories of how I had my future all planned out. How I was going to go to school get a degree in philosophy and write great books for mankind but instead I just smoked away my future until it became nothing more than a dream...
but each day is just one day and when patterns of drowning out the misery from life becomes a necessity its apparent that your life is over and without meaning... What more could I contribute other than my own self destruction?
I can claim all day and night that I do it out of rebellion but what began as a noble act has since lost all meaning. I don't do it to commit a crime like I used to. I've lost all reason...I do what I do because my mind goes numb and I just do it. That's why I lie to myself for the fun of it...
Every hit is the exact same. A giant fucking flashing neon sign with a confused voice yelling "What The Fuck Are You Doing?!?!?!" then a trailing thought of putting it down and quitting quickly stamped & blanked out by apathy and I take the hit. Every time its exactly the same. I think "This is my life, huddled up in my house smoking dope wasting away and talking about all my dreams, knowing I'm worthless because I'll never achieve them. This fucking sucks, I need another hit." But I don't care I can't If I do I will end up just shooting myself through the fucking head. Why drag out the misery for an entire lifetime? Might as well end it now.
Every day is the same they blend and are exact copies of yesterday
I dream and think and wish but know I won't do shit
Its hate and rage with empty words of change and its meaningless
So pathetic this life I have, its supposed to be bliss!
I've wasted away, ripped out my heart, self proclaimed nihilist!
Drugs my last resort and only hope to purchase any happiness
Its so pathetic and true, this misery is true...
OH GOOD GOD! WILL I EVER BE THROUGH?!?!
oh good god will I ever be through...
I'm crying now, regretting. Forced to believe in nothing.
This is all I am faded black, fucked up and self loathing...
"Sometimes the simplest things can turn out to be the biggest decisions..."
I raise the pipe, sincerely ponder this...
and like always, take another hit...
<X3, <X3, <X3 forever...
I don't want to be 35 looking back at my life, talking of regret and un-accomplishment. Thinking of how many years I wasted partying. Giving up my dreams, my life and my soul for a days worth of pleasure...my stomach gets into knots thinking about it.
To many times have I had friends much older than me talk of resentment and apathy. "That's what we call it, chasing the dream because that's all it is now. I was going to do so much man!..." words that seem to echo from every addict.
If I know I don't want to end up that way why can't I stop?
I can't live my life with regrets. I won't do it...but the truth is I don't know for certain.
It drives me crazy knowing that there is a very high likely hood in 15 years I'll be smoking meth with some young buck telling them stories of how I had my future all planned out. How I was going to go to school get a degree in philosophy and write great books for mankind but instead I just smoked away my future until it became nothing more than a dream...
but each day is just one day and when patterns of drowning out the misery from life becomes a necessity its apparent that your life is over and without meaning... What more could I contribute other than my own self destruction?
I can claim all day and night that I do it out of rebellion but what began as a noble act has since lost all meaning. I don't do it to commit a crime like I used to. I've lost all reason...I do what I do because my mind goes numb and I just do it. That's why I lie to myself for the fun of it...
Every hit is the exact same. A giant fucking flashing neon sign with a confused voice yelling "What The Fuck Are You Doing?!?!?!" then a trailing thought of putting it down and quitting quickly stamped & blanked out by apathy and I take the hit. Every time its exactly the same. I think "This is my life, huddled up in my house smoking dope wasting away and talking about all my dreams, knowing I'm worthless because I'll never achieve them. This fucking sucks, I need another hit." But I don't care I can't If I do I will end up just shooting myself through the fucking head. Why drag out the misery for an entire lifetime? Might as well end it now.
Every day is the same they blend and are exact copies of yesterday
I dream and think and wish but know I won't do shit
Its hate and rage with empty words of change and its meaningless
So pathetic this life I have, its supposed to be bliss!
I've wasted away, ripped out my heart, self proclaimed nihilist!
Drugs my last resort and only hope to purchase any happiness
Its so pathetic and true, this misery is true...
OH GOOD GOD! WILL I EVER BE THROUGH?!?!
oh good god will I ever be through...
I'm crying now, regretting. Forced to believe in nothing.
This is all I am faded black, fucked up and self loathing...
"Sometimes the simplest things can turn out to be the biggest decisions..."
I raise the pipe, sincerely ponder this...
and like always, take another hit...
<X3, <X3, <X3 forever...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
apathy:
does the above woman come with a religious pamplet too ??
antipunk:
yes.