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anti_

Irvine, CA

Member Since 2008

Followers 215 Following 431

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Wednesday May 23, 2012

May 22, 2012
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My friends, I do so want you to understand my heart's will.

This is my descent and my danger, that I gaze towards the summit, and my hand would clutch and lean on your depth. To you I lash my will; with chains do I bind myself to you, because I am pulled upwards and I want you with me. It is therefore, why I live blindly among men, as if you were fresh to me that my hand may not entirely lose belief in flesh. I do not know most of you well: this gloom and consolation often envelops me. I sit at the gateway for every one of you, and ask, "Who will deceive me?"

So this is my first act of contrition, that I allow myself to be deceived, so as not to be on my guard against you. For if I were on my guard against you, how could I ever truly love you? This providence is over my fate, that I have to be without foresight. He who would not live in fear of you, must learn to drink out of all glasses; he who would keep clean amongst men, must know how to wash himself even with dirty water. So I say often to myself for consolation: "Courage! Cheer up old heart! An unhappiness has failed to destroy you: enjoy that as your happiness!"

My second act of contrition: To be more mindful of the difference between vanity and pride. Isn't it wounded vanity that spawns tragedy? However, Where pride is wounded, there you can grow something better than pride. That life may be fair, that is the greatest folly. I want to represent myself, invent myself; here in my community, I like to gaze upon you in love - it cures my melancholy. From you I have learned belief in myself. I believe your lies, even when you lie favorably about me: for they have taught me to ask my depths: "Who am I?" And if true virtue is unconscious of itself, how can I be virtuous without you testing me?

Which leads me to my third act of contrition: I will not be put out of conceit with my "wickedness" by your timidity. I am happy to see the marvels of the warm sun rising as I drift into sleep: just as I am not ashamed of the warmth I feel in the marvels you have been taught are wicked. In truth, just as your wisest did not seem to me so very wise, so also I find human wickedness below it's own fame. Often I ask myself, with a shake of the head, "What is there left to rattle at, you rattlesnakes?" There is still a future for what you call evil!

How many things are now called the worst evil, which are only 6ft tall & 240 lbs? Today greater evils run rampant in the world. For the purpose of being truly virtuous, I will disregard your petty prejudices and hunt more dangerous game, for the good hunter should have a good game! You who think yourselves good and just, in you there is much to be laughed at, and especially your fear of what has hitherto been called "the devil!" So alien are you to your souls and to what is great, that to you this evolution would be frightful in it's virtue. Today's "great ones", you would flee from the solar-glow of the wisdom in which true evolution joyfully bathes in nakedness! This is my doubt of you, and my secret laughter: I suspect you would call my evolution evil! The true warmth of my soul is still undiscovered by you.

That I may also love you with all my loathing of your condition, that I may see you as myself: that is my last act of contrition.
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
kandykorn:
No Dave, it doesnt, just the same situations different people.... everytime.
May 29, 2012
jeckyl:
LOL that's out staff togtongue
Yeah, she's really awesome, and she is helping me now, thank God. I was borderline nervous breakdownshocked

Thanks though!! Loooove yooouuubiggrinkiss

Oh, and there were drunk nekkid girls on your cam earlier O.o
May 29, 2012

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