Alright, greatest day ever. I'm not even joking around when I say that this is quite possibly the worst semester of my life in almost all aspects of it.
To start off this horrible rambling will be what has been one of the major constants for the past eight weeks: my friend, we'll call him Jim, has been nonstop about this long distance relationship he's just now finally getting out of. When I get back from classes and check my missed calls, it's his number over and over, and I know all he wants to discuss is his most recent conversation with her or how he had a dream that further confirms how he has made the right choice in ending it all. Not only are his ramblings flat out annoying, but most of the time he brings up examples of my only relationship and that only makes me reflect on there once was in my life. So not only do I have to try to pick him up and say the right things, but I'm also having a ton of painful memories flooding back. Not just memories, but horrible thoughts of "what is she doing now" or "has she already moved on?" Great times had by all.
When I just got back to my computer, I missed my best friend's MSN conversation that actually read like an email because he just went off on how much he hates what he is doing with his life (geological engineering). Not only is he absolutly hating the career path that he's already three years along with, but he's also going through some really tough personal identity problems. I wasn't even here for him tonight-- I feel like shit.
Compound all that on top of the overriding theme of self doubt with the ladies and you'll get my situation now. Seriously, I'm so fucking awkward around girls that if they were to poke me with a pencil, I'd probably explode. What is there to lose? Probably nothing, but I'm thinking any shred of confidence will be thrown out the fucking window. Not to mention I'm so fucking petty and picky about every little detail I might as well just give up. Seriously, if there is an extremely good looking girl and I have knowledge that she's single but she drinks and parties on the weekend, I just shut down the whole "yeah I'm attracted to you" outlook and get bitter because, let's face it, there isn't a fucking straightedge girl in this state.
Not a good mood, hopefully all will be changed by tomorrow's entry time.
To start off this horrible rambling will be what has been one of the major constants for the past eight weeks: my friend, we'll call him Jim, has been nonstop about this long distance relationship he's just now finally getting out of. When I get back from classes and check my missed calls, it's his number over and over, and I know all he wants to discuss is his most recent conversation with her or how he had a dream that further confirms how he has made the right choice in ending it all. Not only are his ramblings flat out annoying, but most of the time he brings up examples of my only relationship and that only makes me reflect on there once was in my life. So not only do I have to try to pick him up and say the right things, but I'm also having a ton of painful memories flooding back. Not just memories, but horrible thoughts of "what is she doing now" or "has she already moved on?" Great times had by all.
When I just got back to my computer, I missed my best friend's MSN conversation that actually read like an email because he just went off on how much he hates what he is doing with his life (geological engineering). Not only is he absolutly hating the career path that he's already three years along with, but he's also going through some really tough personal identity problems. I wasn't even here for him tonight-- I feel like shit.
Compound all that on top of the overriding theme of self doubt with the ladies and you'll get my situation now. Seriously, I'm so fucking awkward around girls that if they were to poke me with a pencil, I'd probably explode. What is there to lose? Probably nothing, but I'm thinking any shred of confidence will be thrown out the fucking window. Not to mention I'm so fucking petty and picky about every little detail I might as well just give up. Seriously, if there is an extremely good looking girl and I have knowledge that she's single but she drinks and parties on the weekend, I just shut down the whole "yeah I'm attracted to you" outlook and get bitter because, let's face it, there isn't a fucking straightedge girl in this state.
Not a good mood, hopefully all will be changed by tomorrow's entry time.
It sounds cliche, but it's all about confidence. You just have to be proud of yourself. It's like I say to chicks when I get turned down: "That's YOUR loss, baby!" It's arrogant, but it's just reverse psychology. It's their problem they're not hooking up with you. That's the way I kind of approach it that subject. I'm my own unique person and if chicks aren't going to appreciate or try to understand that, fuck 'em. The grapes are probably sour anyway.
I live in Texas and I hardly see any straight edge people out here anyway, so it's near impossible to find someone that shares the same ideals I do. You have to make compromises and you can't be completely picky. Just remember your perfect girl doesn't exist, but the next chick that adores you probably wouldn't mind striving to be what you want, and vice versa.