I have a simple request: Would someone like to come over to my place dressed in a long, beige trenchcoat, panama hat, and dark sunglasses, smoking a cigarette? When I open the door (I'll be wearing a polka-dotted dress and wiping my hands on an apron), you will be looking away. You will say, "Is the cake in the oven?" I will hang my head, fight back tears, and invite you in.
We shall move to the bedroom and I shall undress awkwardly, looking upset and ashamed. You will throw me up against the wall and I will scream "Maim me!" as you bite through my strand of cultured (but we'll pretend they're real) pearls, which will fall to the ground and scatter. You will think I've said "Mamie" (as in Eisenhower).
At this point, you will stroke my hair gently and become romantic and tender, renderng unto the First Lady the respect to which she is entitled. Slowly and carefully, you will rub your hand up my thigh. When you reach my genitalia and discover I am genetically male, you will fly into a rage and "rape" me (condoms and lube will be located in an antique snuff box at arm's length; please be discreet in procuring them).
Prior to climaxing, you will push me to the floor, remove your condom (again, discreetly), and ejaculate into my eyes. I will lie in a crumpled, sobbing heap at your feet, softly singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." When your semen has dried my eyelashes together (this might take a while; I will have prepared a selection of cold cuts, assorted beverages, and glossy magazines for your entertainment), you will softly clean it out with a sponge dipped in warm milk.
You will hold me in your arms as we await the coming night. When (and whether?) we part again will be determined from that point.
Other than the above, I am not really looking for a specific "scene." Just a chill bro I can kick it with and see where things go.
Laterz
I haven't read anything that awesome on Craiglist in a long, long while. It's more awesome than any hatefucking post I've read (you know, post-election, there were a bajillion Democrat seeking Republican for hatefucking, and there have been more than a few writer/actor/musician seeking agent for hatefucking). Better than any guy offering free rent for pool cleaning and blowjobs. Better than a guy asking the fat dude who tans naked to at least wear a speedo. This is pure magic.
I think I will print this out and put it under my pillow before I go to bed tonight.
Man, I've been loving this half-hour show way more than even the obscene stuff online!
"But we killed him and ate him?"
"No, you were eating burgers and fries.... remember?"