Last week, I observed a flock of migrating red-breasted robins making a stopover in the LC parking lot at my school. I heard them before I saw them. There were probably around one hundred of them. They filled the trees and drank from the puddles left over from the early morning rain. It was quite a sight, especially when some latecomers divebombed the ground. They transformed from little itty bitty black dots in the sky to these almost lifeless-looking forms falling to the ground. They looked like they'd all been shot down. I don't know why they call them red-breasted robins, though. It's more of an orange color. I guess that's just going to be another mystery for me to ponder. Like, why does the peanut butter in a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup taste nothing like the peanut butter in Reese's Pieces?
So, I've stopped going "out." I started thinking of other women in terms of their purses. It probably doesn't work the same nation-wide, but it's a surprisingly effective form of classification for Miami. The Gucci Gals are mostly Eurotrash, or they're ladies pushing thirty who hate the younger broads. Same goes for the Chanel Clutch Brigade, but that group also includes daughters of rich Cubans that came to Miami during the '50s. The Louis Vuitton Girls differ depending on their age and bag preference. The girls who carry those ugly brown bags are mostly sororitutes with bad, blonde highlights (though the highlights are more like ugly, chunky streaks, I guess). A lot of them are NOT from Miami originally -- mostly Texas girls, I'd wager. The older women and ladies of a certain age who carry LV bags are mostly rich Latina ladies. Although I've known some Cubanas of a certain age who only carry Chanel bags and wear big glasses with interlocking C's. The Trust Fund LV sorocitutes buy the more expensive purses, like the Le Fabuleux purse. I have a bruise on my forehead because a Delta Gamma girl maneuvered along the narrow gap between desks in our overcrowded class for PSY 440 and lost control of her big white purse. "The ease of practical luxury." Yeah, you may call it that once you get a face full of brass. By the way, her apology didn't sound sincere. I think she was angry at my face for getting in the way. I might have smudged the brass hardware with my forehead. Oops. ANYHOW. The Dooney-and-Burke Chickies are simply sorocitutes who couldn't afford LV bags or weren't willing to buy fake-o LV bags. Purses from the J.Lo collection will do in a pinch, too. The Marc Jacobs Grrls think they're ber-indie. I guess some of them are, but c'mon. It's Marc Jacobs. They probably think Conor Oberst* is dreamy. The Balenciaga Broads are thinner, richer, and prettier than you. Yes, all of you. They make you feel insecure and stupid for thinking that your post-season half-off sale Nanette Lepore ensemble would cut it. I'm not saying they're all anorexic, but it makes the hostile Mean Girl in you feel better about yourself. And you really, really want that Balenciaga bag, even though it will probably cost you a month's rent.
So, yeah. That's my treatise on the ladies of Miami society and the club circuit. Oh, I didn't mention Prada. It's probably better that I left it out. I'll be honest, I want this admittedly silly bag. I won't buy it. I can't rationalize paying that much for a silly nylon bag with a cute little robot design. I KNOW that there are bags out there with cute little robot designs, and I know that the Miuccia's name doesn't accompany said canvas or nylon bag. And I know that this bag will retail for maybe $50 BECAUSE it is some silly bag in Urban Outfitters or some place like that. But, you know, Prada is a name. And it looks like that name costs $590. I'm stuck on the fact that it's made of NYLON. Nylon. Seriously, why is it so expensive? You guys didn't even have to skin an animal to make it!
Meh. I'll probably buy it after the spring-summer season is over. It'll go for about $200 then. Until that time comes, I'll continue being part of the Cheap-Cheap Gang. We carry that free canvas bag The Nature Conservancy/World Wildlife Fund/The Sierra Club/NPR or PBS send you after you've donated 15 bucks. Mine has a freaky looking ostrich on it. Or maybe it's an emu. I'm not sure. The Cheap-Cheap Canvas Freebie Flock tends to be anxious in party/club settings. Eventually, they realize they're much better off staying in with friends. That's how we roll.
Postscript: I realize now that I've left out the Birkin hags. The Herms Crocodile Birkin costs about $20,000. That's not a typographical error. More importantly, THERE IS A WAITING LIST. Well, no. It's closed for the time being. You're going to have to pony up $30,000 if you want one of these suckers now, because the society ladies with expendable incomes are on the list. And they probably have to wait two years before they get the call and receive the bag. And, you know, you only get on that list if you're a bold-face name. Whatever. I'll be lucky if I make $30,000 a year once I get a stable job. I don't think I have to describe the kind of ladies who are willing to throw away money on a hand-stitched bag. I mean, go ahead and leave a comment on how you think such a lady would act and describe her personality (or lack thereof). I think y'all would be pretty spot on, even if you've never heard of a Birkin until just now.
*I don't dislike Conor Oberst. I'm just joshing. Some of the songs are a bit... much. And feel sort of insincere. But, you know, I really like that new song about having conversations with pigeons and being your own friend. You can't be in a serious relationship with someone else if you don't love yourself and can't get along without barnacling onto someone else. But that's another song (the excellent "Anywhere Anyone" by Dntel, featuring vocals by Mia Doi Todd: "I love you... How can you love me if you don't love yourself?"). In other news: Yes, I still have a boyfriend. He made me dinner last night, and it was lovely. We had sex, but we also watched the Westminster dog show. We've been together for a while, so it's a pretty normal relationship. That little pekingnese dog moves funny. Oh, man. Even my footnotes go off on tangents.
So, I've stopped going "out." I started thinking of other women in terms of their purses. It probably doesn't work the same nation-wide, but it's a surprisingly effective form of classification for Miami. The Gucci Gals are mostly Eurotrash, or they're ladies pushing thirty who hate the younger broads. Same goes for the Chanel Clutch Brigade, but that group also includes daughters of rich Cubans that came to Miami during the '50s. The Louis Vuitton Girls differ depending on their age and bag preference. The girls who carry those ugly brown bags are mostly sororitutes with bad, blonde highlights (though the highlights are more like ugly, chunky streaks, I guess). A lot of them are NOT from Miami originally -- mostly Texas girls, I'd wager. The older women and ladies of a certain age who carry LV bags are mostly rich Latina ladies. Although I've known some Cubanas of a certain age who only carry Chanel bags and wear big glasses with interlocking C's. The Trust Fund LV sorocitutes buy the more expensive purses, like the Le Fabuleux purse. I have a bruise on my forehead because a Delta Gamma girl maneuvered along the narrow gap between desks in our overcrowded class for PSY 440 and lost control of her big white purse. "The ease of practical luxury." Yeah, you may call it that once you get a face full of brass. By the way, her apology didn't sound sincere. I think she was angry at my face for getting in the way. I might have smudged the brass hardware with my forehead. Oops. ANYHOW. The Dooney-and-Burke Chickies are simply sorocitutes who couldn't afford LV bags or weren't willing to buy fake-o LV bags. Purses from the J.Lo collection will do in a pinch, too. The Marc Jacobs Grrls think they're ber-indie. I guess some of them are, but c'mon. It's Marc Jacobs. They probably think Conor Oberst* is dreamy. The Balenciaga Broads are thinner, richer, and prettier than you. Yes, all of you. They make you feel insecure and stupid for thinking that your post-season half-off sale Nanette Lepore ensemble would cut it. I'm not saying they're all anorexic, but it makes the hostile Mean Girl in you feel better about yourself. And you really, really want that Balenciaga bag, even though it will probably cost you a month's rent.
So, yeah. That's my treatise on the ladies of Miami society and the club circuit. Oh, I didn't mention Prada. It's probably better that I left it out. I'll be honest, I want this admittedly silly bag. I won't buy it. I can't rationalize paying that much for a silly nylon bag with a cute little robot design. I KNOW that there are bags out there with cute little robot designs, and I know that the Miuccia's name doesn't accompany said canvas or nylon bag. And I know that this bag will retail for maybe $50 BECAUSE it is some silly bag in Urban Outfitters or some place like that. But, you know, Prada is a name. And it looks like that name costs $590. I'm stuck on the fact that it's made of NYLON. Nylon. Seriously, why is it so expensive? You guys didn't even have to skin an animal to make it!
Meh. I'll probably buy it after the spring-summer season is over. It'll go for about $200 then. Until that time comes, I'll continue being part of the Cheap-Cheap Gang. We carry that free canvas bag The Nature Conservancy/World Wildlife Fund/The Sierra Club/NPR or PBS send you after you've donated 15 bucks. Mine has a freaky looking ostrich on it. Or maybe it's an emu. I'm not sure. The Cheap-Cheap Canvas Freebie Flock tends to be anxious in party/club settings. Eventually, they realize they're much better off staying in with friends. That's how we roll.
Postscript: I realize now that I've left out the Birkin hags. The Herms Crocodile Birkin costs about $20,000. That's not a typographical error. More importantly, THERE IS A WAITING LIST. Well, no. It's closed for the time being. You're going to have to pony up $30,000 if you want one of these suckers now, because the society ladies with expendable incomes are on the list. And they probably have to wait two years before they get the call and receive the bag. And, you know, you only get on that list if you're a bold-face name. Whatever. I'll be lucky if I make $30,000 a year once I get a stable job. I don't think I have to describe the kind of ladies who are willing to throw away money on a hand-stitched bag. I mean, go ahead and leave a comment on how you think such a lady would act and describe her personality (or lack thereof). I think y'all would be pretty spot on, even if you've never heard of a Birkin until just now.
*I don't dislike Conor Oberst. I'm just joshing. Some of the songs are a bit... much. And feel sort of insincere. But, you know, I really like that new song about having conversations with pigeons and being your own friend. You can't be in a serious relationship with someone else if you don't love yourself and can't get along without barnacling onto someone else. But that's another song (the excellent "Anywhere Anyone" by Dntel, featuring vocals by Mia Doi Todd: "I love you... How can you love me if you don't love yourself?"). In other news: Yes, I still have a boyfriend. He made me dinner last night, and it was lovely. We had sex, but we also watched the Westminster dog show. We've been together for a while, so it's a pretty normal relationship. That little pekingnese dog moves funny. Oh, man. Even my footnotes go off on tangents.
VIEW 25 of 43 COMMENTS
oryx:
happy happy birthing day!
bpatrick:
Happy birthday...