anonymouse

So I am procrastinating, as you do when you have a paper due. My paper is so pretentious that I think it will print itself out, walk off on its own little papery feet, and form a band with Muslimgauze and the David Cross character who only watches foreign films and listens to marching band music. I introduce it with a KIERKEGAARD quote. Oh yes I do.

My paper is on Yevgeny Zamyatin's We, a truly excellent book. I recommend that you all pick it up and read the Mirra Ginsburg translation POSTHASTE. I am analysing D-503's dreams and its significance from a Freudian perspective, as it was certainly written from a Freudian perspective. Right now, I am working on the dream where he fucks a chair and proclaims it uncomfortable and painful. Awesome.

So my friend Leyt sent me a link to some photographs by Terry Richardson. It featured a man dressed up as Robin doing some very dirty things with a man dressed up as Batman. I liked it. I liked it so much I went ahead and checked out another gallery on the man's website. Oh my god. Now I know where Nic got the source picture for her Anal Fucking Dick Party masterpiece. He is there! Along with other pics that have given me nightmares. The worst part -- no, the WORST part -- was the picture with a guy crouching down. I said to myself, without seeing the bottom half of the pic, "Oh no he didn't." But he did. There's a big pile of crap on the sidewalk. Look, you don't take a picture of someone taking a crap and call it art. They may appreciate that at the Whitney, but how about a DISCLAIMER? "CONTINUE IF YOU WANT TO SEE SOME SHITTY PICTURES." Something like that, yeah?

When I saw that shitty picture, I said to myself, "This man is probably best friends with Vincent Gallo." Oh my god. I went to the "famous people gallery"? GUESS WHAT? There are about a dozen photos of your favorite ugly, misogynistic, racist pig. In this month's Paper Magazine, there was a whole section devoted to the feuds Gallo has had with other people. There's also a sucky interview, and you know it sucks because the interviewer says, "He was in a band with my friend Jean Michel." No, it's not namedropping if you don't say "BASQUIAT." Oh god. What a bunch of douchebags. Anyway, they included most of the grudges, like when Gallo called Harmony Korine a "limp-wristed fag," but they left out this gem wherein he welched on a deal he had with a chocolate company because the aforementioned chocolates "had to be his vision." I actually had some of the chocolates when a friend threw a party at the Mandarin Oriental here in Miami, and they were pretty good. Gallo, you suck. They also left out the part where he and Kenneth Anger put a voodoo curse on Ebert's prostate. And that's unfortunate, because I will always love Kenneth Anger for Scorpio Rising (gay bikers? I'm in), and I will always love Roger Ebert for Beyond the Valley of the Dolls ("You will drink the black sperm of my vengeance.").

That's it. I'm posting Vincent Gallo a box of my shit. I will attach a card telling him I was inspired by his friend Terry Richardson and that he will drink the black sperm of my vengeance. And then I will tell him that I am Superwoman. Because that's what cats like Z-Man do. Also, this is my happening, and it freaks my out!