hmmm. whatever.
so my life is just getting more stupid and more ridiculous. case in point, im poorer than ive ever been in my entire life right now, seriously, which makes me incredibly nervous and stressed out. however, based on a tip from our friend at the junkyard (its always good to have friends at the junkyard), i just bought my first car. well, i mean, i had a car on the east coast, but my mommy bought it for me, ive never bought a car myself. it was $300. and it totally works and even matches my hair. its nuts. ive only had it two days, and every time i refer to it or get in it, we all start laughing because its so silly that i have a car. i paid for it with a credit card check. tee hee. anyway, if i make enough money for gas and tolls, id really like to do a west coast road trip, since i havent traveled very extensively on this side of the country. so let me know if i should visit you or your town and tell me why. im not sure when this is going to happen, with burning man encroaching so quickly and my need for work compounding exponentionaly but it something ive wanted to do since i got here and now its so much more feasible.
i have a moribd curiosity. anyone else? right now im listening to a playlist on the boy's laptop that was compiled for/about his ex. people always tell me i ask too many questions, and its true, i always want to know everything down to the tiniest most painful unnessecary detail. i think its a holdover from my very self destructive days and mindsets. and i think its also hard for me to tell when i cross the line between my normal unrelenting curiosity and need to have as much information about anything as possible, and persuing things that might be hurtful to me for no reason.
last weekend we all went to the playa, not black rock, but one about 30 miles away. it was beautiful and stark and pristine, white and cracked and supersaturated with light and heat and dust. the first night we rode draka, the dragon, and visited with strangers that appeared, all crazy and glowing, out of nowhere like bright desert flowers. a cute girl told me i was her favorite dancer at cyberbus where there was a dance party full of costumes and new wave hits, and she and i danced incredibly closely and sensually for an hour, and then she hugged meand kissed my cheek and so i kissed her lips and she lingered for a moment, and then pulled away, made some comment like i must be drunk, and found herself a boy to dance with very promptly.
alas. but then the boy comofrted me by sneaking off with me and fucking me on the hard plated playa with grozens of thousands of stars winking down on us, and since we didnt have a tent we lay out towels and sleeping bags on the ground and let those stars sing us to sleep. the next day we spent under a parachute with king jupiter and sweetie and various women that camped with them. we drank water and whiskey, smoked, ate and talked, lounging listless under the unrelenting heat. finally we motivated enough to repack our rental car and drive over to frog pond, one of the area hot springs. the desert plays tricks on your perceptions, especially when its as empty as it was with eveyone in a sparse clump at one side. when we drove in on friday, it was so smooth and long and white that we snaked across it and it felt like the car was gliding or skating, and with the mirages (incidentally, and ironically, my new car is a mirage) you had the sensation of gliding across a giant lake of light. when we left we followed our friend jazz, and on the road the dust kicks up so strongly that you cant see the actual vehicle in front of you, only the billows of dust surrounding its path. it leaves the impression of chasing ghosts, following spectral puffs that are completely insubstantial when you reach the center.
frog pond was my favorite part, there were actually 3 or 4 ponds of varying temperatures fairly close together. slatzor and charlie and the boy and i had nt been able to find any of the housemates the night and day before and we parked by the gate to the pond and it was like the lushness of the oasis in the desert, trees and flowers and amphibians suddenly where we had seen nothing but brown mountains and white dust and grey scrubby brush before, carried into social life, because all of the sudden everyone we knew was there, drinking, and swimming and playing. the ponds were full of schools of tiny fishies, that you could scoop up in your hand and feel the gentle slimy wriggle before they jumped back into the muddy water. we all disrobed, and i realized that even though ive known slatzor for 3 years or so, this was the first time id seen her naked. which is saying a lot for me and my friends. i splashed and slithered and bobbed about in the water, feeling very much a water nymph surrounded by other naked drunken happy crazies. oh there were dragonflies, of all sizes, including huge red ones, mating as they flew, that reminded me of me. i have a major thing for dragonflies, my first tattoo was of a dragonfly, and i always get mesmerized by their patterns and hovering like sparkling prehistoric jewels. and the cold water ponds were overrun by verdant frogs slipping into and blinking up above the cool water. i found a pale long-dead one floating in the reeds and with che's help put it into charlie's empty whiskey bottle as a practical joke. i caught a frog like when i was younger and always stalking water's edges for critters to examine and love. the whole experience was idyllic, like one of those rest stops between universes where time passes strangely and everyone is there, laughing, all of life is beautiful, dirty, and ecstatic, and its hard to remeber if youve reached immortality or godliness or simple human bliss.
what synchronicity (which is a word i dont even feel like saying anymore, its too-everpresent to distinguish it from just the way things are) , the song from the ex's list that just came on had a lyric 'just like a week in the desert'.......
i quit smoking yesterday. slowly im trying to improve my body and my health and my looks so that maybe i wont feel so bad about these things, maybe. the smoking should help my skin, but pushing myself to exercise is the really tough one for me. and honestly, i love my cherry cloves, and really dont want to never smoke again, i just want to avoid the need, the daily desire for them, and treat them more as a weekly or so treat, like i used to. its hard in a houseful of smokers, but im not too worried about it, now that ive really made the decision.
everyone should go to pavements end. let me know if youre going to be there, im really excited, especially to see fractal.
so my life is just getting more stupid and more ridiculous. case in point, im poorer than ive ever been in my entire life right now, seriously, which makes me incredibly nervous and stressed out. however, based on a tip from our friend at the junkyard (its always good to have friends at the junkyard), i just bought my first car. well, i mean, i had a car on the east coast, but my mommy bought it for me, ive never bought a car myself. it was $300. and it totally works and even matches my hair. its nuts. ive only had it two days, and every time i refer to it or get in it, we all start laughing because its so silly that i have a car. i paid for it with a credit card check. tee hee. anyway, if i make enough money for gas and tolls, id really like to do a west coast road trip, since i havent traveled very extensively on this side of the country. so let me know if i should visit you or your town and tell me why. im not sure when this is going to happen, with burning man encroaching so quickly and my need for work compounding exponentionaly but it something ive wanted to do since i got here and now its so much more feasible.
i have a moribd curiosity. anyone else? right now im listening to a playlist on the boy's laptop that was compiled for/about his ex. people always tell me i ask too many questions, and its true, i always want to know everything down to the tiniest most painful unnessecary detail. i think its a holdover from my very self destructive days and mindsets. and i think its also hard for me to tell when i cross the line between my normal unrelenting curiosity and need to have as much information about anything as possible, and persuing things that might be hurtful to me for no reason.
last weekend we all went to the playa, not black rock, but one about 30 miles away. it was beautiful and stark and pristine, white and cracked and supersaturated with light and heat and dust. the first night we rode draka, the dragon, and visited with strangers that appeared, all crazy and glowing, out of nowhere like bright desert flowers. a cute girl told me i was her favorite dancer at cyberbus where there was a dance party full of costumes and new wave hits, and she and i danced incredibly closely and sensually for an hour, and then she hugged meand kissed my cheek and so i kissed her lips and she lingered for a moment, and then pulled away, made some comment like i must be drunk, and found herself a boy to dance with very promptly.
alas. but then the boy comofrted me by sneaking off with me and fucking me on the hard plated playa with grozens of thousands of stars winking down on us, and since we didnt have a tent we lay out towels and sleeping bags on the ground and let those stars sing us to sleep. the next day we spent under a parachute with king jupiter and sweetie and various women that camped with them. we drank water and whiskey, smoked, ate and talked, lounging listless under the unrelenting heat. finally we motivated enough to repack our rental car and drive over to frog pond, one of the area hot springs. the desert plays tricks on your perceptions, especially when its as empty as it was with eveyone in a sparse clump at one side. when we drove in on friday, it was so smooth and long and white that we snaked across it and it felt like the car was gliding or skating, and with the mirages (incidentally, and ironically, my new car is a mirage) you had the sensation of gliding across a giant lake of light. when we left we followed our friend jazz, and on the road the dust kicks up so strongly that you cant see the actual vehicle in front of you, only the billows of dust surrounding its path. it leaves the impression of chasing ghosts, following spectral puffs that are completely insubstantial when you reach the center.
frog pond was my favorite part, there were actually 3 or 4 ponds of varying temperatures fairly close together. slatzor and charlie and the boy and i had nt been able to find any of the housemates the night and day before and we parked by the gate to the pond and it was like the lushness of the oasis in the desert, trees and flowers and amphibians suddenly where we had seen nothing but brown mountains and white dust and grey scrubby brush before, carried into social life, because all of the sudden everyone we knew was there, drinking, and swimming and playing. the ponds were full of schools of tiny fishies, that you could scoop up in your hand and feel the gentle slimy wriggle before they jumped back into the muddy water. we all disrobed, and i realized that even though ive known slatzor for 3 years or so, this was the first time id seen her naked. which is saying a lot for me and my friends. i splashed and slithered and bobbed about in the water, feeling very much a water nymph surrounded by other naked drunken happy crazies. oh there were dragonflies, of all sizes, including huge red ones, mating as they flew, that reminded me of me. i have a major thing for dragonflies, my first tattoo was of a dragonfly, and i always get mesmerized by their patterns and hovering like sparkling prehistoric jewels. and the cold water ponds were overrun by verdant frogs slipping into and blinking up above the cool water. i found a pale long-dead one floating in the reeds and with che's help put it into charlie's empty whiskey bottle as a practical joke. i caught a frog like when i was younger and always stalking water's edges for critters to examine and love. the whole experience was idyllic, like one of those rest stops between universes where time passes strangely and everyone is there, laughing, all of life is beautiful, dirty, and ecstatic, and its hard to remeber if youve reached immortality or godliness or simple human bliss.
what synchronicity (which is a word i dont even feel like saying anymore, its too-everpresent to distinguish it from just the way things are) , the song from the ex's list that just came on had a lyric 'just like a week in the desert'.......
i quit smoking yesterday. slowly im trying to improve my body and my health and my looks so that maybe i wont feel so bad about these things, maybe. the smoking should help my skin, but pushing myself to exercise is the really tough one for me. and honestly, i love my cherry cloves, and really dont want to never smoke again, i just want to avoid the need, the daily desire for them, and treat them more as a weekly or so treat, like i used to. its hard in a houseful of smokers, but im not too worried about it, now that ive really made the decision.
everyone should go to pavements end. let me know if youre going to be there, im really excited, especially to see fractal.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
youtookthewheel:
I'm the same as you, just the other day I was looking at thr track listing of a CD my boyfriend made for his ex. I probably shouldn't have, I think it just made me mad. Curiosity killed the cat.
noelani:
I miss you...