anomaly11

i need a massage so badly. i feel like the boy and i are running in circles, hes frustrated with himself (and me) but takes it out on me. its really hard for him to talk in any kind of constructive manner without blowing up first, which makes it hard for me to continue to listen. oi. i wonder sometimes if the reality of me is very different from the ideal, too far for him to handle. im very open at the begining of relationships, but people either discount what i say or dont understand it and then only realize the full scope of my difficult intricacies when theyre already submerged in a relationship with me. i think im generally a much more forgiving and accepting person than he is, and he just doent understand or cant respect certian aspects of me. sometimes i feel he thinks im not good enough for him, not glamourous, refined, restrained or classy.

wenley's birthday was weird, i really missed her and she seemed genuinely glad to see us and her presents, but dave was there the whole time and none of it felt comfortable to me. hes been spending the night out a lot, im assuming its at her house, her friend mentioned seeing him around the apartment. ouch. im jeslous of s and s, they took mi's car and went for an overnight trip to hot springs with some fungus, i think they are trying to achieve some sort of epiphany about their relationship. ive been wanting to go make a vision quest with the boy for some time now.

last night a man (presumably with a princess fetish) took me to a salon to get my hair done, then out to dinner at a nice restaurant on the 46th floor of a hotel and a veiw of the whole city, then to see the matrix reloaded (again) for dressing like a princess. it was very interesting. the only physical contact made all night was a slight hug goodbye initiated by me when i left, so it wasnt an outwardly sexual set up. people are so varied and imaginative in their interests, it always amuses me to be able to delve a little deeper into someone elses mind. plus i got a lovely dinner, a trip to a fancy salon, and got to walk around downtown on a tuesday night in a pink ball skirt and a tiara. very curious.