anny

Send In The Clowns, indeed. "Isn't it rich, isn't it queer?" It isn't my favorite Frank Sinatra song, but my iPod is on scramble so it'll do for now (is "it'll" actually a contraction, I can't remember?)

It's funny even in my vodka'd to the brim state, I can remember to worry about grammar. I am drunk to a point, but I don't care, but that's the point of this journal, none of you can look me in the face and tell me what an ass I am.... well you can tell me online, but I'll be glad for it.

In any case. Some of my best writing is done when I'm drunk. ::reminds self to write::

It's not like I remember it from college. After drinking five or six of the nasty cheap ass beers available D and I used to use the bathroom together, and I marvelled at the intimacy. Hell she even kissed me once or twice to the boys delight. But that's not the way it is now.

I've had a fight with my...er, boyfriend...lover... in the last hour, and after a horribly female-bout of crying I decided to drown my sorrow in vodka. I remember saying to him once "You have to be a real alcoholic to drink vodka straight." And I don't think I'm an alcoholic because of one night of binging, but I certainly took two quick shots to dull the fucking womanly crying, then started to temper it with pink lemonade.

I guess that's the whole problem. I shout my hatred of neurotic fucking women to the high heavens, and then I act like the worst of them.

I APOLOGIZE TO ALL MALES FOR THE ATROCITY OF FEMALE BEHAVIOR!

That's really my problem, everything I detest about women, is what I hate most about myself.

I think that... I need to meet someone who is as boring, and quirky, and sympathetic/empathetic as myself... and likes to bite. And can accept the fact that at one point I truly believed that I should have been born a male. I accept now that I was meant to be a female in this lifetime, but it still isn't fucking easy.


In any case... I've lost the thread of this conversation and am going to attempt to put laundry to wash and pack for vacation. I miss the chess playing dude, he wrote the best drunken chess playing essays. I've never been smart enough for chess so I envy him.

Hockey. If I had any sense of balance I'd play hockey. Skate my heart out and beat the shit out of people. God bless Richard Zednik.

Frankie is now singing "Strangers In The Night"

Doo Bee DoBee Do, Indeed.

Bless You All, Good Night!