annasthesia

So, my boyfriend and I were driving back from this garage sale type thing downtown this morning. Incidentally, we found the coolest looking old rotary phone there for only $5. Even cooler, bitch still works! I plan on painting it something nifty, like pink with polka dots or something, I haven't decided yet.


Anyways, that has nothing to do with this. 2 days ago, on DListed, MK was talking about this new dildo they're marketing right now because of this whole Twilight / Vampire craze that, for the record, I really don't get. I have no inclination to ever read those books or see the movies. However, enough people out there lust over vampire cock at night that they decided to make a dildo called "The Vamp."
((Picture in the spoiler below))

Listen to their advertisement...

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Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.
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"We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night."...Oh you marketers and your clever play on words. I see where you were going with that!

"Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience."...I'm sorry but I found that downright...creepy. And normally I'm all about creepy, but seriously, c'mon.

And the fact that it sparkles? Genius! Just like the vampires in the movie! (Or so some of you have told me). I don't know much about vampires, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to fucking sparkle. I dunno, Maybe that's just me.

Anyways...on the way back from our excursion with the phone this morning, my boyfriend said something exceptionally nerdy, albeit true, should vampire mythology have any actual merit...
"If vampires have no blood, how do they have sex? I mean, they can't get a hard on."

Your move dildo company! I expect more thought to be put into your products! *tsk tsk*