** due to eccessive length, the following journal entry has been spoiler-ized. (basically, im trying to trick you into reading it by disguising its verbose content. if at some point you think - 'jesus christ, ive been reading this damn thing for half an hour! this is ridiculous!' - then i have succeeded.) **
where to start.... well,
SPOILERS! (Click to view) first of all, i want you all to know how happy your comments make me. they make me really, really happy. i check my comments obsessively. so even if you feel like you have nothing to say, just a smilie or a hello will make my little heart flutter with joy!! just please, please do not send me anymore messages containing the phrase 'your hot.' not because i take any offense to it, but because it is an incomplete sentence. it really, truly makes me cringe. i just wanted to get that out there, for your sake. if you are consistently using the wrong form of 'your', then i guarantee someone is consistently making fun of you for it. at least i am.
SPOILERS! (Click to view) i dont know how much longer i want to/can stay at this job. and that makes me sad because i was actually trying to stick this one out. the main reason is that i just dont think i can continue working 3rd shift. ive missed 4 classes this quarter, and that is really unacceptable to me. friday morning i fell asleep a few times on my way home from work and almost wrecked. i dont even remember getting into bed, i must have passed out as soon as i hit the pillow. and then i slept for 9 hours
mmmmm that was so nice.
the other reason is maybe a bit petty, i dont really know... i try to not pay attention to what people say, because i generally do not care enough to involve myself in any sort of drama. but a new guy was hired a few weeks ago, and his second or third day on the job he decided to tell the break room that i am "not very hot, but would probably give a good blowjob." its not like my feelings were hurt or anything, and i do indeed give a good blowjob, but im not hot? cmon, now. honestly, i was mostly disgusted to the point of vomiting over the thought of my mouth ever touching any part of his body. but the fact that he had the nerve to say that in front of other people, made me very angry/embarrassed/uncomfortable. my manager found out and i honestly thought that this kid was going to get fired. he was only there for a few days and was worthless anyways. but nothing happened. i just dont feel like i should have to come into work everyday and feel uncomfortable because this asshole decided to insult me infront of my everyone. i dont know, it just doesnt seem fair.
well that was depressing. lets move on...
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
here is a list of my favorite foods. you will notice that none of them are dishes, as i am completely creeped out by different foods touching eachother. sometimes its ok, but not usually.
* bacon (burnt)
* CHEESE (ricotta is a favorite, also amish butter)
* potatoes (raw with salt, or mashed)
* beef (preferred form: pressure cooked loin)
* spinach (from the can with salt)
* mushrooms (fresh sauteed)
* pasta (any form, with nothing but red sauce and lots of garlic)
* fish (nearly any kind, the fishier the better)
im sure im forgetting loads of things, but those are the big ones. i am probably the least exciting eater in the world, and i apologize for that. the odd thing is that my very favorite meal is pepper steak, which has all kinds of shit in it mixed together. for some reason i can handle that one.
so you want to hear about my near-death experience?
SPOILERS! (Click to view) ok, ok ive built it up too much. this is going to be disappointing guys, sorry. and like everything else i write, it is going to be unnecessarily long. but heres what happened.
i was on my way home from work a few weeks ago. i had gotten out of work late and i was going to have about 2 minutes to get my shit together before i had to leave for class. i was about 1/2 mile away from home and goddamnit - theres a train coming. the tracks are literally in my backyard, and it is so frustrating to sit and wait on a fucking train when im late and tired and i can see my house from the crossing. now i swear ive -never- gone through through the gates before, but from about 1/4 mile away i thought id have plenty of time. the plan was to go as fast as possible until i got right up to the crossing, then brake and weave through the gate. at the *very* last second (i am terrible at judging distances, but maybe 20-30 yards) i realized uh oh, i am not going to make it through this gate in time. so i slammed on my brakes, and what do you know, the entire hill is a sheet of ice; i completely lost control of my car. it all happened very quickly and i really dont remember how, because all i was doing was desperately trying to stop the car. but it somehow swerved to the left, to the right, and back left again, at the perfect angles to make it through the gate. i could feel the train blow by me after i slid through the tracks. if i would have hit that gate, i would not have had time to put it in reverse and back up before the train plowed through. so. fucking. scary.
i honestly feel lucky to be alive. and i am eternally grateful to whatever force decided to take the wheel and guide me through that gate.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
yesterday i finally tracked down the degrassi tng episode that they wouldnt play in the us. oh my god ive been dying to see this for like a year! im way excited, i think i will make a nite of it. an hour of degrassi in my bed with my laptop and a kitty or two curled up beside me. this is as exciting as my life gets, kids.
ps. emma is anorexic/bulimic!! degrassi, you never fail to entertain me with your stereotyped canadian teenage melodrama. one of my dearest indulgences. i love you.
many of you have asked how the 'date' went.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
well, heres the deal. the date did not go at all. its actually quite a weird situation now. i had his number, and i knew that he didnt have mine. so i just never called to give him directions, then made up some lame excuse about having the wrong day... i thought it was pretty obvious that i was trying to get out of it, but it seems as though the boy isnt too smart. and i knooooooooow that it was a very cruel thing to do, but i just cannot even explain how creepy this kid is. i HAD to get out of it.
it turns out that he really has got some potential... unfortunately, its stalker-potential. i just may have my very own obsessive-crazy-person that wont give up the dream of our togetherness. after i ditched him i saw him at work and told him sorry, blah blah blah and that i really didnt want to date anyone right now, that i was cool with hanging out but i am extremely busy and i hardly have time to sleep, so i dont think it can happen anytime soon. he seemed to be fairly understanding. but EVERY day since he has asked me if im free that nite, if i want to do something.... and i always say no, im sorry im really busy, if there is ever a good time, ill let you know. and he just wont stop asking. now he has my number, and he calls over and over and leaves messages, if you ever just want to talk, you can call me. its just not normal, a mentally-balanced person would have surely picked up on the fact that i DO NOT want to hang out with or talk to you.
the worst part is that he watches me all the time, i can feel his eyes on me and its so fucking creepy. the other day i was sorting some stuff, moving things, going through boxes. i had been doing this for a few minutes when i looked up and saw that he had been sitting on the other side of the room in a chair the entire time. never said a word, just watched me. ohhhhh god. now he does it almost every day.
now do you see why i had to say no???
so everyone has their fetishes and quirks. here is one of mine.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
when i hear music, and occassionally when someone is talking, i break down words into 5-syllable sections. i dont even try to do this, sometimes i actually try to stop it because its annoying. i will also group words into 5s, but i prefer syllables. often i will change the way i break down the words, as long as they fit into the proper rhythym.
for example:
i prefer syllables
is
i - pre- fer - sylla - bles
this is the major reason why i cant have any music (with lyrics) or tv on if im trying to do something constructive, because instead of working on what im supposed to, my mind will be busy breaking down everything i hear. it becomes extremely frustrating.
i also type things in my head while i talk, on a mental keyboard. that is less annoying and more voluntary, as i kind of enjoy doing it.
there are so many more things that i want to discuss with you! seriously, ive got about 5 or 6 more, just off the top of my head. but thats more subject for next weeks entry, eh?
in the meantime, here are some pictures!!! yay!!!
last nite i got up for work and i saw about a dozen boxes of girl scout cookies sitting on the counter, and i literally screamed. what a fabulous surprise to wake up to! i wanted to show you just how much i love the thin mints, and i think this picture does a good job of relaying my elation.
my happiness continues throughout the eating process.
and this is what happens when you take 20 pictures of yourself holding a thin mint. it meeeeeeeelts.
i bought these postcards so i can send them to my out-of-state friends. arent they great? isnt the little amish man adorable?? do you want one??? well, all you have to do is send me your full name, address, ssn, credit card information, and a state-issued id, and i will mail one your way! fun!
i got this the other day to hang on my bedroom door. and i colored it myself! yes, i realize that hawkgirls logo is actually yellow, and that i accidently made it into hawkmans. but ive gotten over it (well, almost...) so you should, too.
i want - no, i NEED THIS. in ways that you cannot imagine. you have no idea how much fun i could have with this. unfortunately the chances of me having the money to actually buy it are much greater than the chances of me having someone to wear it for.
i also want these. and i will have them.
this photo is a bit shotty but even i want to rip my pants off after seeing it, so i thought id share.
i had just eaten a steak, bending like that was a little painful.
look, my momma brought home kitty socks for her girls the other day! how positively adorable!! i have tiny feet, in case you were wondering.
here i am using my foot as a telephone. "what was that mrs tittlemeister? oh, theres a bloc party on the 28th? well thats just lovely, of course ill be there! ill bring the jello mold, you bring the bitches!"
oh goodness, i think that just about does it for me. ive got some more comments to make, then ill settle in for the nite. talk to you soon 
He didn't have an accent. I hope you do, I am a sucker for accents. I am the same way with friend requests, but I don't nearly have the same amount of them as you do I would assume.
I used to spend a lot of money on fancy food. Now I have a budget of 5.50 per person per day to buy groceries, so not so much. The only thing I won't eat is Onions, and the only thing I won't drink is Grapefruit juice. Yuck.
Intimidation is an underrated skill. So is Manipulation, if done so correctly. I know why they scare me, but if I told you, that would most definately show all my cards; where is the fun in that?
I started this program on October 5th, and I don't finish until July 5th. I go back to school after that, funds willing. Or unless I sign up for CWY, blah. I miss school.
My favourite stories are the ones I have been told while lying down, or while in a parked car at 3 am. Things tend to be touched with some kind of sincerity in these situations. The most probable explanation is Voodoo magic.
I'm never alone. I work 9-5, and when I come home there are 6 people here already. It was worse when there were 12 of us living in one house though. I still haven't gathered...
if you live with roomates or what not. I live with people from all around Canada. Yay for me.
I like scary things.
I would be mortified if my little brother ever invited me to a sex toy party. It might have something to do with being a boy though. I refuse to let him do anything bad I have ever done though, Its just a fact of life.
Have you read "Tuesdays with Morrie"? Your response to aging kind of reminds me of something Morrie says in it. I like that.
You are a country girl?
I can't wait for Prom. I wish I could go to the Toronto one as well, but I have no time to go. I plan to take billions of photos. We can trade.
I love trading things.
I don't drink. I haven't for 3 years or so. People still think I am drunk all the time.
I have issues with drinking as well, so I just don't bother with it.
You never -have- to respond, you know. I just like when you do
I am going to be on French TV in 2 weeks.
Was this any smaller? Lets find out.
Edit: Fuck.
[Edited on Mar 05, 2006 11:28PM]
[Edited on Mar 05, 2006 11:30PM]