Alright, for those us that are "adults", lets talk about an "adult" topic. And that topic is whether or not to fuck on the first date. Now of course there are a bunch of lying ass girls that are reading this right now and are already starting with that bullshit comment of, "I would never sleep with a guy on the first date". If you fit this category, please stop reading this blog immediately because you suck and are more than likely going to be seriously offended by what I'm about to say. Besides, I'm sure that there's a great episode of The 700 Club showing right now on the Christian Broadcasting Network. You can entertain yourselves by listening to some over-zealous asshole talk about how The DaVinci Code is evil. Now for the rest of you "normal people", please continue.
Look, I'm going to sum this up in one sentence that is nothing short of "Divine Revelation" and that is this: Everybody should fuck on the first date because then you know whether or not the second date needs to happen. At this point, I will probably begin to think there is an earthquake in South Fla due to the thunderous applause and cheers of every male in the world that's reading this. However, the really twisted part about it that there's probably JUST AS MANY girls thinking this exact same thing. So now, lets just look at a couple of scenarios that support this logic.
Now, lets say that there's a guy out there that has been checking out this particularly hot chick for a while now and really wants to now just how good that ass really is. Well, they go out on a couple of dates and of course he tries to play a great game of "can my finger go there?" and she's showing a bit of resistance. Well, she's obviously not going to put out and she tells him that great line of "I want to get to know you first". Sheesh. How bad is that one? But anyway.....the guy and girl continue to go out because he's DETERMINED to hit that ass and now it he has become "Frodo" and is now on a quest for the ring of power. The day finally comes after months of planning that is equalled only by the U.S. military forces planning a strike on downtown Baghdad. The clothes are coming off, the kissing has begun, and now he feels as though he's about to find the Holy Grail only to find that her vagina is surrounded by enough pubic hair to weave into a sweater for a young child. Her boobs look as though countless experiments on the effects of gravity have been conducted and it's painfully obvious that her ass has suffered extensive damage at the hands of a possible hand grenade attack because of all the dents and valleys. The guy moves in to insert his penis anyway because, well why not? If you drive to see the Grand Canyon, you're not going to stay in the hotel all day. You're going to see that big ass hole in the ground even though it's just a stupid hole in the ground. The point is, fuck it, you're already there anyway. Anyway, he inserts his penis only to find that it's moisture content is about the same as the Sahara Desert on the hottest fucking day of the summer at about mid-day. Her movements would cause one to think that she's suffering some sort of medical seizure and now he realizes that instead of feeling pleasure, he's actually bleeding because her vagina has teeth. NOW......he tried for months to get this ass and here he is contemplating suicide just to be able to stop experiencing this moment. If he had just been able to fuck her on the first date, this could have avoided months of patient planning, including buying flowers, going to movies together, eating dinner at nice restaurants, and having to pretend that he really cared what she felt about global warming.
For the ladies, how many times have you seen a guy and thought "what an amazing specimen of ass"??!!! You would absolutely LOVE to see what this guy is packing and whether or not he can make you sing in soprano as his cock makes your pussy feel like a fat person on tour at the Hostess plant watching how twinkies are made. Now, the girl starts talking to the guy and the games begin. Now, women have the odd idea that if they allow us to get the ass on the first date that we'll think they are sluts or something. That's silly!!! We would NEVER think that. And for the other girls out there that would say that you're a slut...FUCK THEM!! Besides, we as guys don't want them anyway. We want you girls that put out!! Oops..I'm drifting off topic. So, the girl goes through months of dating this guy and they finally get to that magic moment. The hugging, kissing, and touching start and then shit really gets heated. The girl can't wait for this guy's mouth to start making her feel like a black male that just won a shopping spree to Foot Locker. She opens her legs and the guy goes down there and proceeds to chew her clitoris like a piece of laffy-taffy and thinks that he's taking her to orgasmic bliss by trying to shove 4 fingers into her ass while he's doing it. Not wanted to lose a valuable body part in the pursuit of pleasure, she stops him and attempts to say seductively to him, "take me". Well, out comes his finger....opps, that's his cock actually. The guys actually about 26 but he still has the cock he had on his 9th birthday and he doesn't think that it's "masculine" to shave his pubes so he has balls that smell as though the crabs that he more than likely has are taking shits in his pubic hair and he's not really a big fan on bathing often. But again, she's already there so fuck it. Well, Mr. Sexy decides that he wants his cock sucked since he gave her a little tongue action down there and she decides to give it a shot, provided that she can hold her breath long enough to do so. Well, she gives it a shot and almost passes out from the "pepperspray-like" fumes emitting from this guys privates. Again, she initiates him getting on top of her and he moves into position. He attempts to insert his oompa-loompa sized penis and as it finally goes in, he cums in a series of convulsions that almost knock the girl unconscious as he headbutts her, accidentally of course. And yet again, another tragedy that could have been avoided by simply fucking on the first date. She wouldn't have had to hold this moron's hand in public, eat fucking chicken wings at some dingy ass sports bar 4 nights out of the week with him and his buddies while watching a sports game that she could give a shit about, dressed in sexy clothes that were intended to get this guy to rip her clothes off in the first place, and/or act like she gave a flying FUCK when he wanted to talk about how he was a NAVY SEAL in Desert Storm when she knew that he was lying his ass off because he actually works in the Garden Section of TARGET.
So, as you can see, fucking on the first date just gets rid of all the guess work involved with relationships. It doesn't make you a "dog", a "hoe-bag", a "skank", or a "slut". It makes you an "informed consumer". When you go car shopping, you "test drive" the fucking car, right? Right!! You don't just walk on the lot and go, "that one". When I bought my digital camera from Best Buy, I played with all of the digital cameras on display. I touched them all, examined each one thoroughly, read the specs on each one, and then made a decision after I had physically handled each one. The same rules apply to women/men. Play with each one, examine each one thoroughly, take the person for a "test drive" because that's the only way to know how they're going to handle "on the road". And at that point, you'll know if you want to buy.
To all of you, happy shopping. Poke it, touch it, finger it, taste it, stroke it, and make an informed decision. Don't make a bad choice because the time you waste can't be regained. And who wants to waste good time on sorry ass? Until next time....scream "Thanks PHAROAH" when you cum on that second date.
Look, I'm going to sum this up in one sentence that is nothing short of "Divine Revelation" and that is this: Everybody should fuck on the first date because then you know whether or not the second date needs to happen. At this point, I will probably begin to think there is an earthquake in South Fla due to the thunderous applause and cheers of every male in the world that's reading this. However, the really twisted part about it that there's probably JUST AS MANY girls thinking this exact same thing. So now, lets just look at a couple of scenarios that support this logic.
Now, lets say that there's a guy out there that has been checking out this particularly hot chick for a while now and really wants to now just how good that ass really is. Well, they go out on a couple of dates and of course he tries to play a great game of "can my finger go there?" and she's showing a bit of resistance. Well, she's obviously not going to put out and she tells him that great line of "I want to get to know you first". Sheesh. How bad is that one? But anyway.....the guy and girl continue to go out because he's DETERMINED to hit that ass and now it he has become "Frodo" and is now on a quest for the ring of power. The day finally comes after months of planning that is equalled only by the U.S. military forces planning a strike on downtown Baghdad. The clothes are coming off, the kissing has begun, and now he feels as though he's about to find the Holy Grail only to find that her vagina is surrounded by enough pubic hair to weave into a sweater for a young child. Her boobs look as though countless experiments on the effects of gravity have been conducted and it's painfully obvious that her ass has suffered extensive damage at the hands of a possible hand grenade attack because of all the dents and valleys. The guy moves in to insert his penis anyway because, well why not? If you drive to see the Grand Canyon, you're not going to stay in the hotel all day. You're going to see that big ass hole in the ground even though it's just a stupid hole in the ground. The point is, fuck it, you're already there anyway. Anyway, he inserts his penis only to find that it's moisture content is about the same as the Sahara Desert on the hottest fucking day of the summer at about mid-day. Her movements would cause one to think that she's suffering some sort of medical seizure and now he realizes that instead of feeling pleasure, he's actually bleeding because her vagina has teeth. NOW......he tried for months to get this ass and here he is contemplating suicide just to be able to stop experiencing this moment. If he had just been able to fuck her on the first date, this could have avoided months of patient planning, including buying flowers, going to movies together, eating dinner at nice restaurants, and having to pretend that he really cared what she felt about global warming.
For the ladies, how many times have you seen a guy and thought "what an amazing specimen of ass"??!!! You would absolutely LOVE to see what this guy is packing and whether or not he can make you sing in soprano as his cock makes your pussy feel like a fat person on tour at the Hostess plant watching how twinkies are made. Now, the girl starts talking to the guy and the games begin. Now, women have the odd idea that if they allow us to get the ass on the first date that we'll think they are sluts or something. That's silly!!! We would NEVER think that. And for the other girls out there that would say that you're a slut...FUCK THEM!! Besides, we as guys don't want them anyway. We want you girls that put out!! Oops..I'm drifting off topic. So, the girl goes through months of dating this guy and they finally get to that magic moment. The hugging, kissing, and touching start and then shit really gets heated. The girl can't wait for this guy's mouth to start making her feel like a black male that just won a shopping spree to Foot Locker. She opens her legs and the guy goes down there and proceeds to chew her clitoris like a piece of laffy-taffy and thinks that he's taking her to orgasmic bliss by trying to shove 4 fingers into her ass while he's doing it. Not wanted to lose a valuable body part in the pursuit of pleasure, she stops him and attempts to say seductively to him, "take me". Well, out comes his finger....opps, that's his cock actually. The guys actually about 26 but he still has the cock he had on his 9th birthday and he doesn't think that it's "masculine" to shave his pubes so he has balls that smell as though the crabs that he more than likely has are taking shits in his pubic hair and he's not really a big fan on bathing often. But again, she's already there so fuck it. Well, Mr. Sexy decides that he wants his cock sucked since he gave her a little tongue action down there and she decides to give it a shot, provided that she can hold her breath long enough to do so. Well, she gives it a shot and almost passes out from the "pepperspray-like" fumes emitting from this guys privates. Again, she initiates him getting on top of her and he moves into position. He attempts to insert his oompa-loompa sized penis and as it finally goes in, he cums in a series of convulsions that almost knock the girl unconscious as he headbutts her, accidentally of course. And yet again, another tragedy that could have been avoided by simply fucking on the first date. She wouldn't have had to hold this moron's hand in public, eat fucking chicken wings at some dingy ass sports bar 4 nights out of the week with him and his buddies while watching a sports game that she could give a shit about, dressed in sexy clothes that were intended to get this guy to rip her clothes off in the first place, and/or act like she gave a flying FUCK when he wanted to talk about how he was a NAVY SEAL in Desert Storm when she knew that he was lying his ass off because he actually works in the Garden Section of TARGET.
So, as you can see, fucking on the first date just gets rid of all the guess work involved with relationships. It doesn't make you a "dog", a "hoe-bag", a "skank", or a "slut". It makes you an "informed consumer". When you go car shopping, you "test drive" the fucking car, right? Right!! You don't just walk on the lot and go, "that one". When I bought my digital camera from Best Buy, I played with all of the digital cameras on display. I touched them all, examined each one thoroughly, read the specs on each one, and then made a decision after I had physically handled each one. The same rules apply to women/men. Play with each one, examine each one thoroughly, take the person for a "test drive" because that's the only way to know how they're going to handle "on the road". And at that point, you'll know if you want to buy.
To all of you, happy shopping. Poke it, touch it, finger it, taste it, stroke it, and make an informed decision. Don't make a bad choice because the time you waste can't be regained. And who wants to waste good time on sorry ass? Until next time....scream "Thanks PHAROAH" when you cum on that second date.