aniko

History: 10-A? (careful, it's a long one)
sooo, i used to fight..i don't mean like cat-fighting in alleys either.. i mean Full-Contact, tournament style fighting... To anyone in japan, or i guess anyone who does the style as well, would know that Kyokushin is pretty rough. And well, that's what i did, i was so dedicated actually (...was...sigh), that i had the Kanji (symbol) tattooed on the back of my neck (my first tatty too) , .. In the last few years though, i've kinda strayed..i've been blaming it on a lot of things, but i'm gonna finally fess up and tell you all, that the first reason i started letting it go was pride. I did pretty well in Canada, i won a heavyweight all canadian tournament, i came second in the open division..i frequently fought guys and won, but then we went over to osaka, japan for the womens worlds, and me and my cocky self got my ass beaten, And i mean beaten GOOD, by a rather large norweigan girl, i might add. broken ribs, and broken confidence. So, I, being as immature as i was then, stopped attending regular training. that was 5 years ago now... I moved to the city, and told myself, "yea, i'l do it again, whatever, it's no big deal i'm just taking a short break". Weather or not i fully intended to, that's what i told everyone else. Then, i got hit by a car on my bike, had to get one of my hands re-built, a leg was all fukked up, not to mention a few denty-cracks in my head. but still, , i could've started training again, if i woul've just swallowed my pride. That was 2 years ago. now, i sit at home and daydream about it. the rush, the hurt, the confidence. I look at myself in the mirror, with my post pregnancy body, and even though i'm thinner and smaller than i was when i was fighting, i can never seem to feel as good about myself as i did then. Why?, because i was proud of myself then. i was strong. I had an outlet for whatever angered me, or whatever made me down or sad. There are oly a few things lately that make me as happy as fighting did. I fantasize about it while im running at the gym, to give me an adreniline boost. i think about it when i'm walking home.... So, i think the only way for me to get back to that happy place, is to stop daydreaming. The only way for me to be happy with my life and my family is to be happy with myself first. So here goes. time for me to swallow my broken pride, and start from square one. from white belt again, or whatever...time to go out and get hurt again.(.in the good way ) it's scary, facing skeletons...I've never told anyone before that i quit because i was weak and ashamed that i got my cocky ass kicked..haha...ahhh feels good. Feels really good, to get that shit off my chest. Now it's time to actually do something, instead of feelng sorry for myself.. fekk!