angryjohnny

Thursday morning.

It's the fourth morning in a row I've had some sort of hangover when I got to work. Just enough of one to remind me.

I should take a night off and just be alone, but I know that I won't. And I certainly haven't designed a schedule that allows me a moment to think.

But then, what the fuck good does thinking do anyway?

I know what I want and where I want to be, but something in me has closed off to it so hard that I can't even see it through the smoke right now. It seems like that moment when you're pulled away from a beautiful dream, and as many times as you hit snooze on the alarm clock, and try to force yourself back into that dream world, it won't work. It becomes unavailable to you, hazy, imagined.

Starbaby was being a good friend last night, and trying to force me to go to that place. He cares. I appreciate that. It's nice to know someone does. He doesn't want to see me closed off this way, but I can't believe the dream today. I can't imagine getting it back. I can barely remember what it was all about. I'm so fucking...awake.

Fuck me.