angryjohnny

Funny. Havent had much to say about me lately.

Keep coming here to update and just...well, havent.

Actually, its not that I have nothing to say. Lately, I have been writing copiously, just not about me, not directly. No journaling. Introspection comes only when its masked by a veil of creativity. Maybe thats fine. I dont know.

So, here I am forcing myself, like I...
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Been To The Zoo

They cant see me.
Not like this.
Too subtle for them like this.
They need more, I think.

They cant hear me,
not my words.
They hear the melodies they make,
the cadence and the drone of my speech,
with a laughtrack.

I took a walk,
and watched them in the park.
Trapped. Ridiculous.
Locked away behind romance novels,
and pounding...
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Getting back to relative normalcy after the last couple of weeks. My birthday was crazy. On the 10th I went with Starbaby to see some movies. We saw Kill Bill and Lost In Translation. So freaking good, both of them, and they couldn't have been more different. Except for the Japanese location.

That night I drank WAY too much, and remembered little the next day....
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Thursday morning.

It's the fourth morning in a row I've had some sort of hangover when I got to work. Just enough of one to remind me.

I should take a night off and just be alone, but I know that I won't. And I certainly haven't designed a schedule that allows me a moment to think.

But then, what the fuck good does thinking...
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Control

Self-destructive.

Simple words,
they never meant anything to me
before.

But now I'm feeling
like breaking something,
like breaking myself.
Like driving somewhere,
downing something,
coming to terms with knuckles
and metal and bone.

Diving off the end of the world,
hiding, running, hostile.
Like a dragon, like a lion,
teeth bared, stomach clenched,
like a fucking dragon.

Like taking something lovely
and tearing...
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