ANGEL SAVES THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA FROM THE RED ARMY
By now some of you know that I am a well known world traveling adventurer.
People often ask to hear about some of my adventures, so I am happy to share some of them with you.
I remember one particular situation in which i found myself in the unusual position of saving the national landmark of one communist nation from the thieving clutches of another. Being that I am in fact, an all American folk hero, this was a particularly trying thing to do.
I used to vacation on a dude ranch, My very good friend Ronald Reagan and I were going through what I like to call our "cowboy" phase. This was well before he was the President of the United States. He and I were on vacation one summer. We were just two cow pokes living off the land (well, if you consider Having Nancy Reagan bring us Lorna Doone's and Lemonade, "living off the land").
Ronnie was really just getting started in national politics at the time. Historically the "Cold War" was just getting under way. Jimmy Carter was the President and there were some deep tensions building between the Soviet Union and the United States. This got Ronnie and to talking about Russia, and then Communism in general. That's how we got on the topic of China.
Being a couple of cowboys, we wondered about the Chinese immigration to the United States back in the days of the "wild west". Did you know that many Chinese contributed to the construction of the trans-continental railroad? It turns out, that in California, Chinese Culture was a major part of the "Wild West" Ronald Reagan had this theory, that I could find an incredible recipe for old west style chili somewhere in China. He called it "Uncle Chang's China Man Chili". The recipe had been lost for years but Ronnie was sure I could find it somewhere in China.
Because Ronald was such a good friend, I asked Nancy to book me a flight to China so I could get that recipe. I thought it would be an awesome surprise the next time we came to the ranch to play cowboy. Nancy agreed and next thing you know, I was on my way to China. That's where things began to get interesting.
World politics had been kind of tense. The East Germans had begun stringing up barbed wire through the middle of the city of Berlin, This would later become the Berlin wall. I guess the East Germans were in a big hurry to erect a barrier between themselves and the West Germans because they had hatched a diabolical plan to steal a lage section of the Great Wall of China. I didn't know that at the time and since I was in China looking for uncle Chang's long lost chili recipe, I thought it I might as well catch some of the sights that China had to offer. I had noticed a unusually age number of Russian and German tourists while I was taking snapshots of the wall. I didn't initially think anything of it.
Later when i returned to my hotel, which coincidentally was also the same hotel that a large delegation of German and Russian soldiers had booked, I began to notice that the Germans weren't driving your typical German automobiles. I expected them to rent things they were familiar with such as Porsches and Volkswagens but instead they all seemed to be renting construction equipment. I knew that didn't seem like your typical tourist rental. It wasn't until Nancy Reagan called to ask how my quest was going, that I learned about the situation in Germany. I put two and two together and realized what the Germans and the Russians were really up to. It turns out they weren't just there to marvel at the historic and cultural significance of the Great Wall, There were there to steal it!.
Now, I'm an American true as can be, and I don't make it my business to protect the interests of any Communist nation, but I didn't want the Germans to build their wall. I also thought it would be a terrible shame if such a landmark as the Great wall were damaged. I'm a history buff too you know. I knew that It was up to me to protect the Great wall of China!
I wasn't a super spy (yet) not to mention the fact I certainly didn't have the kind of firepower one would need to take on a gaggle of angry Russian and German soldiers. I would have to stall them, distract them, and sabotage them until i could find a way to thwart their evil plans. First with the stalling and distracting, You might not know this, but East Germans have a thing for Meatloaf with mustard. Crazy. West Germans seem to favor sausage.
The manager of the hotel that the Germans, Russians, and I were staying at was so pleased to be hosting such a diverse and worldly group of guests, that It was no problem arranging for our hotel to set up the most posh meatloaf buffet you've ever seen in honor of our German guests.
(as a sidenote, after witnessing the way the Chinese chef mastered the meatloaf, I knew that i would eventually find the chili recipe i was seeking. It turns out that Chinese chef's are truly skilled with American Cuisine.)
The meatloaf buffet with five types of mustard slowed the German threat. Not only did they spend the entire afternoon gorging themselves on meatloaf with mustard and strawberry soda, there were to lethargic to deploy their evil scheme after such a meal. Most of them actually went back to their hotel rooms to nap. So much for stalling and distracting., This gave me time for the second phase of my plan.
I had to find a way to sabotage their plans. I knew that the Germans would attempt to use their rented construction equipment to cut out a a section of the great wall, about as long as Berlin was wide. The real question was, 'how would they transport such a massive segment of stone?'
I looked through my tourist photos from the great wall for a clue. I looked long and hard, but found nothing obvious. Then, just when i was about to give up, i found what I was after. I found that there was an unusually high number of organ grinders strolling about the wall. You know what Organ Grinders are don't you? The guys who used to sell peanuts in New York City. They had kind of a little music box that played cute little tunes when they cranked the handle. Typically, they are associated with a small trained circus monkey. Along with peanuts, they also would occasionally sell Helium filled balloons. to amuse children. BALLOONS! That was it Good Lord, They would use thousands of ballons secured to the great wall by trained ninja assassin monkeys to lift their purloined section of the Great wall. The Organ grinders and their simian henchmen were already in place. They were just waiting for the overfed Germans to arrive to cut loose a section of the wall before the tourists began to arrive. This was it, I had to stop the plan before the Germans recovered from their meatloaf induced slumber. I knew that if I could eliminate the balloons i could stiop their plan. Rubber balloons were in short supply, The Germans and their Russian controllers had only one shot at this operation.
How could I eliminate all those balloons?
I went to the Great wall not really sure yet how to dispatch the nefarious German organ grinder monkey madness. That's when something quite out of the ordinary caught my eye. I had been so occupied with dispelling the red army's menacing intentions that I had nearly forgotten that my real reason for visiting China was to find a long lost chili recipe for my good friend Ronald Reagan. But along the section of the Great Wall of China selected by the East Germans and Russians was a little snack stand. One very old Chinese cook was serving some food that her prepared over a huge open flame. The sign above the wise old man's head said simply "The House of Chang Chinese American Cuisine" I think i had accomplished both of my objectives.
Not only was it possible that this was the very same Chang family that had served authentic cowboy style chili back in San Francisco in the 1840's, but his open flame cooking gave me an idea. You know that in addition to being absolutely mad about meatloaf (with mustard) the East Germans have a thing for using Hydrogen instead of the much safer helium gas in their balloons and dirigibles.
I began the arduous process of inviting all the German organ grinders with their clutches of deadly hydrogen filled balloons over to Chang's kiosk for a complimentary drink. Chang was happy for the business as the Communist State took such a huge cut of his money. But he was also grateful for the assistance I eagerly offered him in serving all the German monkey mongers with their silly little organs. As each of the nefarious circus reject fascist amusement vendors passed the kiosk, I was sure to 'accidentally' mash the billows that stoked Chang's kitchen fire. The strings to the balloons acted as perfect fuzes. In no time at all, the balloons were exploding all over the place.
When Chinese authorities realized that the explosions of the hydrogen balloons were not at all the planned celebratory fireworks, the y arrived at the great was almost the same instant as the German and Russian soldiers who had intended to deface the great wall. The Chinese authorities reacted quickly and after seeing the fleet of rented construction vehicles that the Red Army had arrived in, were able to peace together the terrible plan.
There were a few very secret military operations to drive the Russians and the Germans out of china. The Great wall had been saved from a terrible plot. Never would the wall be used to divide a nation, but always to define one. I couldn't take credit for foiling the plot to steal the great wall of china. The world political climate just wouldn't allow that. China was after all, A communist nation even if it was the target of a terrible plan to steal a large chunk of its national landmark. One man did see the role I played in saving the great Wall, Chang, the elder cook from the "House of Chang". He thanked me later for helping to save the great wall. And asked if there was anything he could do for me, in return for what I had done for china. I explained to him why i had come to China. He was also glad to hear that some people knew the contributions and sacrifices made by Chinese immigrants in the American west. I learned that I had not been the first Westerner to come to China seeking "uncle Chang's authentic Old West Style China-Man Chili". There had been others before me, but none deserved the spicy meaty goodness that the original Chang had served to cowboys and Chinese workers alike as they constructed the western portion of the trans-continental railroad. In many many years, the Chang Dynasty had not determined anyone worthy of recovering the famous recipe.
I had finally found the long lost recipe for the best cowboy chow in the world. When I got back to the U.S. Of A. I knew Nancy and I would Surprise Ronald Reagan with the best meal he had ever eaten on the range.
That's is how I saved the great Wall of China from the Red Army. It's unfortunate that even without a prefabricated barrier stolen from China, the East Germans and the Russians did construct a wall through the city of Berlin. Historically its important to remember the tyranny of the Berlin wall. We must never again allow such a tragedy to happen again.
The DollCase Diaries
By now some of you know that I am a well known world traveling adventurer.
People often ask to hear about some of my adventures, so I am happy to share some of them with you.
I remember one particular situation in which i found myself in the unusual position of saving the national landmark of one communist nation from the thieving clutches of another. Being that I am in fact, an all American folk hero, this was a particularly trying thing to do.
I used to vacation on a dude ranch, My very good friend Ronald Reagan and I were going through what I like to call our "cowboy" phase. This was well before he was the President of the United States. He and I were on vacation one summer. We were just two cow pokes living off the land (well, if you consider Having Nancy Reagan bring us Lorna Doone's and Lemonade, "living off the land").
Ronnie was really just getting started in national politics at the time. Historically the "Cold War" was just getting under way. Jimmy Carter was the President and there were some deep tensions building between the Soviet Union and the United States. This got Ronnie and to talking about Russia, and then Communism in general. That's how we got on the topic of China.
Being a couple of cowboys, we wondered about the Chinese immigration to the United States back in the days of the "wild west". Did you know that many Chinese contributed to the construction of the trans-continental railroad? It turns out, that in California, Chinese Culture was a major part of the "Wild West" Ronald Reagan had this theory, that I could find an incredible recipe for old west style chili somewhere in China. He called it "Uncle Chang's China Man Chili". The recipe had been lost for years but Ronnie was sure I could find it somewhere in China.
Because Ronald was such a good friend, I asked Nancy to book me a flight to China so I could get that recipe. I thought it would be an awesome surprise the next time we came to the ranch to play cowboy. Nancy agreed and next thing you know, I was on my way to China. That's where things began to get interesting.
World politics had been kind of tense. The East Germans had begun stringing up barbed wire through the middle of the city of Berlin, This would later become the Berlin wall. I guess the East Germans were in a big hurry to erect a barrier between themselves and the West Germans because they had hatched a diabolical plan to steal a lage section of the Great Wall of China. I didn't know that at the time and since I was in China looking for uncle Chang's long lost chili recipe, I thought it I might as well catch some of the sights that China had to offer. I had noticed a unusually age number of Russian and German tourists while I was taking snapshots of the wall. I didn't initially think anything of it.
Later when i returned to my hotel, which coincidentally was also the same hotel that a large delegation of German and Russian soldiers had booked, I began to notice that the Germans weren't driving your typical German automobiles. I expected them to rent things they were familiar with such as Porsches and Volkswagens but instead they all seemed to be renting construction equipment. I knew that didn't seem like your typical tourist rental. It wasn't until Nancy Reagan called to ask how my quest was going, that I learned about the situation in Germany. I put two and two together and realized what the Germans and the Russians were really up to. It turns out they weren't just there to marvel at the historic and cultural significance of the Great Wall, There were there to steal it!.
Now, I'm an American true as can be, and I don't make it my business to protect the interests of any Communist nation, but I didn't want the Germans to build their wall. I also thought it would be a terrible shame if such a landmark as the Great wall were damaged. I'm a history buff too you know. I knew that It was up to me to protect the Great wall of China!
I wasn't a super spy (yet) not to mention the fact I certainly didn't have the kind of firepower one would need to take on a gaggle of angry Russian and German soldiers. I would have to stall them, distract them, and sabotage them until i could find a way to thwart their evil plans. First with the stalling and distracting, You might not know this, but East Germans have a thing for Meatloaf with mustard. Crazy. West Germans seem to favor sausage.
The manager of the hotel that the Germans, Russians, and I were staying at was so pleased to be hosting such a diverse and worldly group of guests, that It was no problem arranging for our hotel to set up the most posh meatloaf buffet you've ever seen in honor of our German guests.
(as a sidenote, after witnessing the way the Chinese chef mastered the meatloaf, I knew that i would eventually find the chili recipe i was seeking. It turns out that Chinese chef's are truly skilled with American Cuisine.)
The meatloaf buffet with five types of mustard slowed the German threat. Not only did they spend the entire afternoon gorging themselves on meatloaf with mustard and strawberry soda, there were to lethargic to deploy their evil scheme after such a meal. Most of them actually went back to their hotel rooms to nap. So much for stalling and distracting., This gave me time for the second phase of my plan.
I had to find a way to sabotage their plans. I knew that the Germans would attempt to use their rented construction equipment to cut out a a section of the great wall, about as long as Berlin was wide. The real question was, 'how would they transport such a massive segment of stone?'
I looked through my tourist photos from the great wall for a clue. I looked long and hard, but found nothing obvious. Then, just when i was about to give up, i found what I was after. I found that there was an unusually high number of organ grinders strolling about the wall. You know what Organ Grinders are don't you? The guys who used to sell peanuts in New York City. They had kind of a little music box that played cute little tunes when they cranked the handle. Typically, they are associated with a small trained circus monkey. Along with peanuts, they also would occasionally sell Helium filled balloons. to amuse children. BALLOONS! That was it Good Lord, They would use thousands of ballons secured to the great wall by trained ninja assassin monkeys to lift their purloined section of the Great wall. The Organ grinders and their simian henchmen were already in place. They were just waiting for the overfed Germans to arrive to cut loose a section of the wall before the tourists began to arrive. This was it, I had to stop the plan before the Germans recovered from their meatloaf induced slumber. I knew that if I could eliminate the balloons i could stiop their plan. Rubber balloons were in short supply, The Germans and their Russian controllers had only one shot at this operation.
How could I eliminate all those balloons?
I went to the Great wall not really sure yet how to dispatch the nefarious German organ grinder monkey madness. That's when something quite out of the ordinary caught my eye. I had been so occupied with dispelling the red army's menacing intentions that I had nearly forgotten that my real reason for visiting China was to find a long lost chili recipe for my good friend Ronald Reagan. But along the section of the Great Wall of China selected by the East Germans and Russians was a little snack stand. One very old Chinese cook was serving some food that her prepared over a huge open flame. The sign above the wise old man's head said simply "The House of Chang Chinese American Cuisine" I think i had accomplished both of my objectives.
Not only was it possible that this was the very same Chang family that had served authentic cowboy style chili back in San Francisco in the 1840's, but his open flame cooking gave me an idea. You know that in addition to being absolutely mad about meatloaf (with mustard) the East Germans have a thing for using Hydrogen instead of the much safer helium gas in their balloons and dirigibles.
I began the arduous process of inviting all the German organ grinders with their clutches of deadly hydrogen filled balloons over to Chang's kiosk for a complimentary drink. Chang was happy for the business as the Communist State took such a huge cut of his money. But he was also grateful for the assistance I eagerly offered him in serving all the German monkey mongers with their silly little organs. As each of the nefarious circus reject fascist amusement vendors passed the kiosk, I was sure to 'accidentally' mash the billows that stoked Chang's kitchen fire. The strings to the balloons acted as perfect fuzes. In no time at all, the balloons were exploding all over the place.
When Chinese authorities realized that the explosions of the hydrogen balloons were not at all the planned celebratory fireworks, the y arrived at the great was almost the same instant as the German and Russian soldiers who had intended to deface the great wall. The Chinese authorities reacted quickly and after seeing the fleet of rented construction vehicles that the Red Army had arrived in, were able to peace together the terrible plan.
There were a few very secret military operations to drive the Russians and the Germans out of china. The Great wall had been saved from a terrible plot. Never would the wall be used to divide a nation, but always to define one. I couldn't take credit for foiling the plot to steal the great wall of china. The world political climate just wouldn't allow that. China was after all, A communist nation even if it was the target of a terrible plan to steal a large chunk of its national landmark. One man did see the role I played in saving the great Wall, Chang, the elder cook from the "House of Chang". He thanked me later for helping to save the great wall. And asked if there was anything he could do for me, in return for what I had done for china. I explained to him why i had come to China. He was also glad to hear that some people knew the contributions and sacrifices made by Chinese immigrants in the American west. I learned that I had not been the first Westerner to come to China seeking "uncle Chang's authentic Old West Style China-Man Chili". There had been others before me, but none deserved the spicy meaty goodness that the original Chang had served to cowboys and Chinese workers alike as they constructed the western portion of the trans-continental railroad. In many many years, the Chang Dynasty had not determined anyone worthy of recovering the famous recipe.
I had finally found the long lost recipe for the best cowboy chow in the world. When I got back to the U.S. Of A. I knew Nancy and I would Surprise Ronald Reagan with the best meal he had ever eaten on the range.
That's is how I saved the great Wall of China from the Red Army. It's unfortunate that even without a prefabricated barrier stolen from China, the East Germans and the Russians did construct a wall through the city of Berlin. Historically its important to remember the tyranny of the Berlin wall. We must never again allow such a tragedy to happen again.
The DollCase Diaries
dekansilent:
beans and cornbread