Here is my take on what is going on.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
After a month of this pain, statements made, and outside input, I think I can be certain of one thing. She is as hurt as I am about this. Whatever her motivation, whatever her mood, I can see pain behind those cold eyes she gives me. Whenever I attempt to bring it up, she becomes angry, since that is easier for her than admitting weakness. And the more I bring it up, the more she has to face the fact that this hurts her as deeply as it does me.
At first, she said it was her and not me (the clich, "It's not you, it's me" approach), saying that she didn't feel for me the same feelings she did when we first started dating. This struck me as odd, as we had a discussion of what Love meant to us, and she firmly believed that it wasn't some supernatural force, and here she was, citing the absence of this mystical intangibility as wanting to end it.
But later, when I tried to present my side of the breakup, she later claims that she feels smothered by me making her my "Manic Pixie goddamned Dream Girl" (exact words), which is not something I ever did. I will admit that I found myself invigorated by her strength, but all the change I've made in my life had to be made by me, and I alone took the steps to make them.
However, in a relationship, things should run as a democracy, where all choices are made at the consensus of all involved. I considered her in every major decision I made.
I say "democracy," somewhat tongue-in-cheek, since she said that her emotions were not, and I didn't get to challenge them. And I'm not. What I'm challenging are her actions. She claims that I became dependent on her to teach me how to live again, which is untrue, but I would think that if I were, the problems would have made themselves apparent much sooner than this, where they could be addressed and corrected. Which leads me to believe that she is either incredibly patient, or lying (to me or her, I'm not quite sure).
With all of that, I can think of only two reasons that she'd want to end it; sexual incompatibility, or her eventual return to Seattle. And since we've had little of the former towards the end (and considering that I think we were really beginning to click on a sexual level), I can only assume that the real motivation is the upcoming distance.
From a conversation we had:
AngelSword: Even moving to Seattle.
Her: I didn't want you to move to Seattle
AngelSword: But you realize I would have.
Her: Yes. I also realized that I had no damn right to ask that and frankly, I would come to resent you even more for it.
One of the odd things I find is that she said that there was no difference between a lover's love and a friend's love to her, which I read as her saying that she is incapable of romantic love. I cannot believe that, as I know that we had that sort of deep connection. Even now, I still feel it. I feel it more strongly than anything I have ever felt. And no matter what she may say, I know that she felt it, too.
After a month of this pain, statements made, and outside input, I think I can be certain of one thing. She is as hurt as I am about this. Whatever her motivation, whatever her mood, I can see pain behind those cold eyes she gives me. Whenever I attempt to bring it up, she becomes angry, since that is easier for her than admitting weakness. And the more I bring it up, the more she has to face the fact that this hurts her as deeply as it does me.
At first, she said it was her and not me (the clich, "It's not you, it's me" approach), saying that she didn't feel for me the same feelings she did when we first started dating. This struck me as odd, as we had a discussion of what Love meant to us, and she firmly believed that it wasn't some supernatural force, and here she was, citing the absence of this mystical intangibility as wanting to end it.
But later, when I tried to present my side of the breakup, she later claims that she feels smothered by me making her my "Manic Pixie goddamned Dream Girl" (exact words), which is not something I ever did. I will admit that I found myself invigorated by her strength, but all the change I've made in my life had to be made by me, and I alone took the steps to make them.
However, in a relationship, things should run as a democracy, where all choices are made at the consensus of all involved. I considered her in every major decision I made.
I say "democracy," somewhat tongue-in-cheek, since she said that her emotions were not, and I didn't get to challenge them. And I'm not. What I'm challenging are her actions. She claims that I became dependent on her to teach me how to live again, which is untrue, but I would think that if I were, the problems would have made themselves apparent much sooner than this, where they could be addressed and corrected. Which leads me to believe that she is either incredibly patient, or lying (to me or her, I'm not quite sure).
With all of that, I can think of only two reasons that she'd want to end it; sexual incompatibility, or her eventual return to Seattle. And since we've had little of the former towards the end (and considering that I think we were really beginning to click on a sexual level), I can only assume that the real motivation is the upcoming distance.
From a conversation we had:
AngelSword: Even moving to Seattle.
Her: I didn't want you to move to Seattle
AngelSword: But you realize I would have.
Her: Yes. I also realized that I had no damn right to ask that and frankly, I would come to resent you even more for it.
One of the odd things I find is that she said that there was no difference between a lover's love and a friend's love to her, which I read as her saying that she is incapable of romantic love. I cannot believe that, as I know that we had that sort of deep connection. Even now, I still feel it. I feel it more strongly than anything I have ever felt. And no matter what she may say, I know that she felt it, too.
So there it is. I put it out there for you to read, but the one person I want to read it won't. :smallfrown: