Misrable post. Those that do not want to read about a depressed Angel_Ree look away now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I have no idea whats wrong with me, but i have hit another slump. I'm not sleeping properly - i keep waking up with nightmares every night. I'm exhausted, and dizzy with the tiredness. In my dream last night i was being stalked around the flat by something that decided to stab me. Repeatedly. I had a similar dream the other night, only it was that blond guy from Blade Runner and he was trying to kill me whilst chasing me around town (I know his name but i'm not going to attempt to spell it). I wake up most nights covered in sweat and terrified, but i can't remember the reason. I think its this lack of sleep that is making the depression and paranoia i have held at bay for a while come back to the surface with a vengence. I am questioning nearly every aspect of my life. I spent all day at work trying not to cry today, even though i don't know why i want to cry.
I feel awful - i should be so grateful right now. I am with a wonderful guy, although he is far away. I see him again in just under 2 weeks. I have a steady job that just about covers my expenditures. I have good friends. I have a nice flat...etc etc. But i hate everything. I want to be closer to my Mr. I want a job i enjoy, not just something to pay the bills. I want to lose weight, and yet i snack all the time. I know i am self absorbed today, and i'm sorry. But if i can't use my journal to get everything off my chest, i'll scream.
I cut myself again Friday night. Its been a while since i have done that. I am so ashamed of myself, and angry. It doesn't solve anything, but i still do it. I wouldn't mind, but i had had a really good night, so i have no idea what brought it on. I am never going to feel attractive if i don't stop the hacking.
I'm just at my wits end.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I have no idea whats wrong with me, but i have hit another slump. I'm not sleeping properly - i keep waking up with nightmares every night. I'm exhausted, and dizzy with the tiredness. In my dream last night i was being stalked around the flat by something that decided to stab me. Repeatedly. I had a similar dream the other night, only it was that blond guy from Blade Runner and he was trying to kill me whilst chasing me around town (I know his name but i'm not going to attempt to spell it). I wake up most nights covered in sweat and terrified, but i can't remember the reason. I think its this lack of sleep that is making the depression and paranoia i have held at bay for a while come back to the surface with a vengence. I am questioning nearly every aspect of my life. I spent all day at work trying not to cry today, even though i don't know why i want to cry.
I feel awful - i should be so grateful right now. I am with a wonderful guy, although he is far away. I see him again in just under 2 weeks. I have a steady job that just about covers my expenditures. I have good friends. I have a nice flat...etc etc. But i hate everything. I want to be closer to my Mr. I want a job i enjoy, not just something to pay the bills. I want to lose weight, and yet i snack all the time. I know i am self absorbed today, and i'm sorry. But if i can't use my journal to get everything off my chest, i'll scream.
I cut myself again Friday night. Its been a while since i have done that. I am so ashamed of myself, and angry. It doesn't solve anything, but i still do it. I wouldn't mind, but i had had a really good night, so i have no idea what brought it on. I am never going to feel attractive if i don't stop the hacking.
I'm just at my wits end.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
maybe next time you feel like that put it in an e-mail, you can send it to me if you want