angel_ree

Feeling a bit down again today - to be fair i haven't posted a misery inspired blog for a while, so i think i'm allowed too today!

Things are really bad my end at the moment, with everything. Except work, that never changes.

I'm feeling a bit low cos i never seem to see anyone anymore. Not my closest friends anyway. I think its a combination of everybody being loved up and me not wanting to get in the way. But with exception of the amazing Kell i haven't really seen anyone properly for a good chat for ages. I'm actually feeling pretty lonely.

I'm getting a lot of mixed signals from people too - half the time i feel wanted and the other half of the time i feel like the least important person on earth. I know that i am very prone to paranoia, and this is contributing to me feeling this way. But with my life so up in the air i want some stability.

I'm still sick of Brid - same people, same faces, same shit. I considered moving back to Driff to be closer to my folks but i couldn't just kick James out of the flat, i have the cats to consider and considering events of the last few weeks i'm not sure that would be a good idea. Besides i don't think i will find anybody as good as James to live with - he has been so wonderful to me the last few weeks.

I'm feeling very much like a bad person right now. Someone i used to care about more than anything currently hates me, and i'm safe saying i honestly know he wishes i was dead. Which is great. I deserve to be hated, but that doesn't make it any easier. If my friend Charlie had not looked after me Friday night i think i would have done something stupid. Its not the first time i have considered it in the last few weeks, and i'm frightend to go down that path again.

I don't know what i need, but i need it to happen soon.