My best friend's father died yesterday. My friend had to fly all the way from Germany in order to make it to his fathers place in Portland Or. He just made it in time, as his dad passed away less than a day after he arrived. It happened pretty suddenly, as everyone thought he would last a while longer, so I guess it was a shock for everyone.
I had met his father several times before and he was a wonderful guy. He was in his 80's and still taking classes at the college. He had been in WW2 and had been a machine-gunner on a tank in the war in the Pacific. He was a very intelligent man and had some stories to tell, that's for sure.
I have yet to talk to my friend. This is something he has been fearing for the last couple of years, and now it has happened. I suspect he will have a different view of things now, but it's hard to say how. Perhaps that is why I have yet heard from him.
I had another really upsetting thing happen today. A friend and I met at the local tea house to talk and play cards. It's a hang out for hip High School kids too. All the attractive kids were there, all in groups or in couples. And then there was this one fat girl there, all by herself, with no friend to sit with her. I could tell she was really trying to be part of things, trying to be included in the world. She turned for something and knocked her glass, and it fell to the floor in a loud crash and splatter of broken glass. In an instant, everyone stopped their interactions, and had turned and was staring at her and all going "Ohhhhhh !" And then she was out of the place and gone.
I just can't shake this from my mind. . To all of a sudden, in one single moment, have everyone staring, and seeing you in your clumsiness and non-beautifulness and in your glaring loneliness like that. The humiliation of being discovered, when all she was trying to do was be a part of things. I just wanted to jump up and tell her that somehow everything was going to be OK. But I did not know her, and besides I am just some old man, so the moment passed and she was gone.
Maybe it was nothing for anyone else, but I just can't get it out of my head.
The funeral is on Saturday, so I'll be driving over to be there for my friend and his dad.
But for the moment, I just don't seem to quite have my feet on the ground.
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You are truly a good person. When I used to go to parties, I would find the person sitting all alone and I would just hang out with that person. They were always more interesting than all of the so-called pretty popular people. And I was insecure myself, so it made me feel safe having someone to talk to and sit with. I just don't understand people sometimes. Life is not forever. And who gives a shit what you look like. All that matters is how you care for the people around you.
I hope everyone is doing better. And if anyone knows the right thing to say, it's you.