I will never find it if I'm looking for it. I hear the words. I sing them, I understand them, but they are so hard to absorb into the parts of my consciousness that I have no control over. Do you ever do things and wonder just why the hell you're doing them? It's almost like your own hand reaching out to stab you, and you have no control over it. Hello world! I am a crazy person and I need a hug!
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*hug*