While Im pretty sure that SuicideGirls might not exist without the efforts of Screw Magazine founder Al Goldstein, I bet a lot of people on this site might not give a shit whether he lives or dies. Well at this point that concept sits well with Goldstein because he is lonely, penniless and very suicidal. After losing control of Screw a few years ago, Goldstein has only survived since then due to the financial generosity of comedian Penn Jillette. But perhaps Goldsteins new autobiography, I, Goldstein: My Screwed Life, may change his fortunes though it probably wont happen before he kills himself.
Buy I, Goldstein: My Screwed Life
Daniel Robert Epstein: How are you?
Al Goldstein: Good. Im all yours Daniel. You have my number and we should meet. Since Screw folded, Im looking for a job in the business. I do a weekly column for Booble.com and Im writing for Hustler and I did the book but if you have any ideas for jobs where I can go on salary or something, please call me. Im in desperate need for a job.
DRE: Where are you living?
AG: I lived in a homeless shelter for a year and Penn Jillette is now paying my rent here at Howard Beach.
DRE: How did you meet Penn?
AG: Ive known Penn for 15 years. I was rich. I had 11 million dollars, five ex-wives, four homes and when youre rich they accept you, youre the heavyweight champ. Everyone wants to be near you and when I lost my money I was abandoned by 98 percent of the world. Larry Flynt wont give me a job, although he will buy articles. Dennis Hof who owns the Bunny Ranch is the biggest scumbag in the world. He said Id always have a job. He lied. The whole pornography industry has turned its back on me even though I helped create pornography.
DRE: How did you end up homeless?
AG: I have five ex-wives. They took money. Also technologically Im a total luddite. I did not pay attention to the internet and the internet is putting newspapers and magazines out of business. The internet is a delivery system. The content is the same, fucking, sex, humping, so instead of going outside and having your news dealer know that youre looking for pornography you have the privacy and the anonymity of doing this at home so I lost my advertising. I lost my direction and basically I served no further purpose. Its like when the locomotives came and put the Pony Express out of business.
DRE: How long ago did this happen?
AG: I went out of business three years ago. The banks took over Screw. I have not looked at a copy since then. Screw is now run by uptight, cocksucking accountants.
DRE: [laughs] Was it a conscious decision not to do anything with the internet?
AG: I made no conscious decision. Everything I did in my life has been unconscious. My 30 year old son graduated Harvard Law School. I paid for Georgetown, I paid for Oxford. He became a Harvard lawyer five years ago. Even though I gave him a thousand dollars a week and a car, he heard me on Howard Stern and was embarrassed by me. We havent spoken in five years. The day I went into a homeless shelter at Bellevue my scumbag son started getting paid $250,000 a year. Ill mention the firm, Wachtell Lipton. Hes a very smart boy with no heart.
DRE: Ive met some people that have worked for you over the years. They might say the same thing about you.
AG: Im a prick, Im a boss. I had 35 people working for me. Im not a nice person. But I kept my company going. Ive been arrested 21 times. My favorite one was in 1971 for showing pubic hair in Screw. I was not easy. I was demanding. I was a boss, which meant I was heavy handed, unrelenting and basically a piece of shit who everyone hated. I got back exactly what I gave out. I lost my underwear, my shoes, my house. You dont go to a homeless shelter because you want to. I even got turned down for a job by Starbucks.
DRE: You couldnt have been surprised when all these people said they werent going to help you.
AG: I guess it shocked me to find out that I was that hated. Most people will hang out with a success but when youre no longer useful you are abandoned. That came as a bit of a surprise. Ron Jeremy didnt help me. Nobody in the business will give me a job. That disappoints me. Im a 71 year old Korean War veteran. I wont say I dont deserve it but thats whats happened.
DRE: What made you want to start Screw back in 1968?
AG: There was no pornography. I had no shame with pornography. I wanted to show explicit, hardcore pornography with a sense of humor and Screw became like Mad Comics. Screw changed every law that existed. When I started in 1968 nothing existed like Screw. I created something original.
DRE: What was the closest thing to Screw when you started in 1968?
AG: There was nothing close to Screw. Playboy was airbrushing pubic hair. Penthouse had not started.
DRE: How did people have sex without Screw?
AG: It was secretive. People would go to foreign movies and see Jane Fonda or Brigitte Bardot. Youd go to a foreign film and see a flash of pubic hair. Im like Thomas Alva Edison because I created something totally unique. Am I arrogant about it? Of course! I did something that no one had ever done before.
DRE: The comment on the back of the book is a quote from J. Edgar Hoover saying Get Goldstein was that a joke?
AG: No, its real. I did articles on J. Edgar Hoover wearing dresses. Im sexually very honest. I love the taste of pussy. In fact, even though Ive had sex with thousands of women. Now I have not tasted pussy in 12 months. Im going absolutely bananas. Im going to start a book tour in Texas in Dallas next month and all Im dreaming about is to breathe through a vagina. I miss pussy, I love pussy. I love clitoris. I love my dick being sucked. My favorite girlfriend was Linnea Quigley. Linnea and I were engaged and she was the most delicious girl Ive ever eaten. I miss her ass so much. As little money as I have now Id give her everything I have just to put my tongue up her ass again. But when I lost money she dumped me. I love it when she sucked my cock and when I came she said, That is Jew juice. I miss Linnea desperately.
DRE: Do you talk to anyone from the Screw days?
AG: Nobody talks to me, I havent talked to them. Why would somebody talk to a man whos useless? If somebody talks to me it may be a bus driver. My son doesnt talk to me. I am isolated. Im alone and frankly Im very suicidal. I probably will kill myself in the next few months because I have no future.
DRE: Oh my God.
AG: Send over a girl whose pussy I can eat. Im going mad. Listen, Im lonely. I havent had a date in a year. I havent had my cock sucked, I havent tasted pussy, I dont have a job. Besides being 71 years old, I have diabetes, a bad heart. Im a fucking basket case. The reason why suicide is appealing is that life wont get better, its going to get worse because Im getting older. Nobody will date me. If you know any girls wholl go out with me I would thank you. Are you married Daniel?
DRE: I am.
AG: Well, Im alone and its bad. Every night in Howard Beach Im alone. Im always the fuck alone. I know how Im going to kill myself. I have a .38 but I wont use that. Im going to take 110 Ambien pills and by the end of the year there will be no Al Goldstein.
DRE: Everyones going to show up at your funeral.
AG: Yeah, right, everyone will say what a great guy I was.
Even though I love the taste of pussy, I want to have a girlfriend. I didnt work hard on my marriages. I would like a girlfriend who I could have as a companion.
DRE: What was the best time for Screw?
AG: The best times were the early days when I thought it would never end. I won my 21 trials and I thought the happy times would last forever. I had a home in Amsterdam, I had a home in LA, I had a townhouse in New York City and I had a 15 room, 10,000 square foot house in Pompano Beach. I really didnt think it would end this way.
DRE: Whats the best blowjob you ever had?
AG: Linnea. But Linda Lovelace sucked my cock. In the book theres a picture of my cock down Sekas throat. I had a great life. I have great memories but since no one will hire me I just want to fucking die. By January second there will be no Al Goldstein. If I meet a girl who likes me, a girl I can share movies and dinner with then there may be a reason to live. But right now theres no reason to live.
DRE: Are you going to be talking like this on the book tour too?
AG: Yes, of course. Im talking about how suicide is very appealing.
DRE: Arent you going to make money from the book?
AG: Maybe yeah. I might be able to fly to the moon, who knows. All I can talk about is today.
DRE: Are you going to try and get it optioned as a movie?
AG: Who knows? If its made into a movie itll be like the movie Lenny [about Lenny Bruce] who died years before the movie. Ill be someones memory. Im sure the AVN will give an Al Goldstein award but for all the people who havent helped me Im just a figment of their imagination. All I am is a laser reproduction of a human being.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
Buy I, Goldstein: My Screwed Life
Daniel Robert Epstein: How are you?
Al Goldstein: Good. Im all yours Daniel. You have my number and we should meet. Since Screw folded, Im looking for a job in the business. I do a weekly column for Booble.com and Im writing for Hustler and I did the book but if you have any ideas for jobs where I can go on salary or something, please call me. Im in desperate need for a job.
DRE: Where are you living?
AG: I lived in a homeless shelter for a year and Penn Jillette is now paying my rent here at Howard Beach.
DRE: How did you meet Penn?
AG: Ive known Penn for 15 years. I was rich. I had 11 million dollars, five ex-wives, four homes and when youre rich they accept you, youre the heavyweight champ. Everyone wants to be near you and when I lost my money I was abandoned by 98 percent of the world. Larry Flynt wont give me a job, although he will buy articles. Dennis Hof who owns the Bunny Ranch is the biggest scumbag in the world. He said Id always have a job. He lied. The whole pornography industry has turned its back on me even though I helped create pornography.
DRE: How did you end up homeless?
AG: I have five ex-wives. They took money. Also technologically Im a total luddite. I did not pay attention to the internet and the internet is putting newspapers and magazines out of business. The internet is a delivery system. The content is the same, fucking, sex, humping, so instead of going outside and having your news dealer know that youre looking for pornography you have the privacy and the anonymity of doing this at home so I lost my advertising. I lost my direction and basically I served no further purpose. Its like when the locomotives came and put the Pony Express out of business.
DRE: How long ago did this happen?
AG: I went out of business three years ago. The banks took over Screw. I have not looked at a copy since then. Screw is now run by uptight, cocksucking accountants.
DRE: [laughs] Was it a conscious decision not to do anything with the internet?
AG: I made no conscious decision. Everything I did in my life has been unconscious. My 30 year old son graduated Harvard Law School. I paid for Georgetown, I paid for Oxford. He became a Harvard lawyer five years ago. Even though I gave him a thousand dollars a week and a car, he heard me on Howard Stern and was embarrassed by me. We havent spoken in five years. The day I went into a homeless shelter at Bellevue my scumbag son started getting paid $250,000 a year. Ill mention the firm, Wachtell Lipton. Hes a very smart boy with no heart.
DRE: Ive met some people that have worked for you over the years. They might say the same thing about you.
AG: Im a prick, Im a boss. I had 35 people working for me. Im not a nice person. But I kept my company going. Ive been arrested 21 times. My favorite one was in 1971 for showing pubic hair in Screw. I was not easy. I was demanding. I was a boss, which meant I was heavy handed, unrelenting and basically a piece of shit who everyone hated. I got back exactly what I gave out. I lost my underwear, my shoes, my house. You dont go to a homeless shelter because you want to. I even got turned down for a job by Starbucks.
DRE: You couldnt have been surprised when all these people said they werent going to help you.
AG: I guess it shocked me to find out that I was that hated. Most people will hang out with a success but when youre no longer useful you are abandoned. That came as a bit of a surprise. Ron Jeremy didnt help me. Nobody in the business will give me a job. That disappoints me. Im a 71 year old Korean War veteran. I wont say I dont deserve it but thats whats happened.
DRE: What made you want to start Screw back in 1968?
AG: There was no pornography. I had no shame with pornography. I wanted to show explicit, hardcore pornography with a sense of humor and Screw became like Mad Comics. Screw changed every law that existed. When I started in 1968 nothing existed like Screw. I created something original.
DRE: What was the closest thing to Screw when you started in 1968?
AG: There was nothing close to Screw. Playboy was airbrushing pubic hair. Penthouse had not started.
DRE: How did people have sex without Screw?
AG: It was secretive. People would go to foreign movies and see Jane Fonda or Brigitte Bardot. Youd go to a foreign film and see a flash of pubic hair. Im like Thomas Alva Edison because I created something totally unique. Am I arrogant about it? Of course! I did something that no one had ever done before.
DRE: The comment on the back of the book is a quote from J. Edgar Hoover saying Get Goldstein was that a joke?
AG: No, its real. I did articles on J. Edgar Hoover wearing dresses. Im sexually very honest. I love the taste of pussy. In fact, even though Ive had sex with thousands of women. Now I have not tasted pussy in 12 months. Im going absolutely bananas. Im going to start a book tour in Texas in Dallas next month and all Im dreaming about is to breathe through a vagina. I miss pussy, I love pussy. I love clitoris. I love my dick being sucked. My favorite girlfriend was Linnea Quigley. Linnea and I were engaged and she was the most delicious girl Ive ever eaten. I miss her ass so much. As little money as I have now Id give her everything I have just to put my tongue up her ass again. But when I lost money she dumped me. I love it when she sucked my cock and when I came she said, That is Jew juice. I miss Linnea desperately.
DRE: Do you talk to anyone from the Screw days?
AG: Nobody talks to me, I havent talked to them. Why would somebody talk to a man whos useless? If somebody talks to me it may be a bus driver. My son doesnt talk to me. I am isolated. Im alone and frankly Im very suicidal. I probably will kill myself in the next few months because I have no future.
DRE: Oh my God.
AG: Send over a girl whose pussy I can eat. Im going mad. Listen, Im lonely. I havent had a date in a year. I havent had my cock sucked, I havent tasted pussy, I dont have a job. Besides being 71 years old, I have diabetes, a bad heart. Im a fucking basket case. The reason why suicide is appealing is that life wont get better, its going to get worse because Im getting older. Nobody will date me. If you know any girls wholl go out with me I would thank you. Are you married Daniel?
DRE: I am.
AG: Well, Im alone and its bad. Every night in Howard Beach Im alone. Im always the fuck alone. I know how Im going to kill myself. I have a .38 but I wont use that. Im going to take 110 Ambien pills and by the end of the year there will be no Al Goldstein.
DRE: Everyones going to show up at your funeral.
AG: Yeah, right, everyone will say what a great guy I was.
Even though I love the taste of pussy, I want to have a girlfriend. I didnt work hard on my marriages. I would like a girlfriend who I could have as a companion.
DRE: What was the best time for Screw?
AG: The best times were the early days when I thought it would never end. I won my 21 trials and I thought the happy times would last forever. I had a home in Amsterdam, I had a home in LA, I had a townhouse in New York City and I had a 15 room, 10,000 square foot house in Pompano Beach. I really didnt think it would end this way.
DRE: Whats the best blowjob you ever had?
AG: Linnea. But Linda Lovelace sucked my cock. In the book theres a picture of my cock down Sekas throat. I had a great life. I have great memories but since no one will hire me I just want to fucking die. By January second there will be no Al Goldstein. If I meet a girl who likes me, a girl I can share movies and dinner with then there may be a reason to live. But right now theres no reason to live.
DRE: Are you going to be talking like this on the book tour too?
AG: Yes, of course. Im talking about how suicide is very appealing.
DRE: Arent you going to make money from the book?
AG: Maybe yeah. I might be able to fly to the moon, who knows. All I can talk about is today.
DRE: Are you going to try and get it optioned as a movie?
AG: Who knows? If its made into a movie itll be like the movie Lenny [about Lenny Bruce] who died years before the movie. Ill be someones memory. Im sure the AVN will give an Al Goldstein award but for all the people who havent helped me Im just a figment of their imagination. All I am is a laser reproduction of a human being.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
alfaduetto:
The whole industrial west is run by uptight, cocksucking accountants, not just a few magaazines.
captainamerika:
Goldstein was/is such an asshole, but I think he generally honestly said what he thought. One of the only other public figures I can think of who seems similarly direct and honest is Howard Stern, although Stern is a lot more likeable. It is surprising nobody killed Goldstein a long time ago. But, I admit, hating him is a pleasure.