anderswolleck

I have been trying to get Dave Attell on the phone for years. Attell is one of the best working comedians out there and he has a major cult following among comedians and fans of comedy, plus he has crossed over to the frat boys with his mlange of drinking on the show Insomniac with Dave Attell. On November 16 Attell will do a show alongside Louis CK and Daniel Tosh as part of The Comedy Festival in Las Vegas.

Buy tickets for The Comedy Festival in Las Vegas

Daniel Robert Epstein: Hey Dave, you met Marie, a SuicideGirl while you were doing Insomniac in Portland.

Dave Attell: Was she blonde?

DRE: Yeah.

Dave: Yeah I know who she is.

DRE: Are those the kinds of girls you want to run into?

Dave: I love them yeah. If I had enough money Id get a strip club and only have girls with tats and piercings in it. I think its cool. You never see that in strip clubs. They want like the girl next door or something but those girls are cooler.

DRE: What kind of groupies do you get?

Dave: I get guys. I dont get any chicks. For every girl there are 100 drunk guys and usually those girls have boyfriends who are afraid to approach me so theres not too many comedy groupies for me. I guess if I was more attractive because funny doesnt equal tall.

DRE: [laughs] So whats Dane Cooks deal then?

Dave: Hes pretty tall.

DRE: [laughs] How did you get involved with the Comedy Festival?

Dave: They asked me to do it. Its a cool festival. Its in Vegas and you get to live out all your Vegas Rat Pack fantasies so it should be good. Im on the show with Louis CK who is a very funny guy. The other guy is Daniel Tosh who I worked with years ago at the Gator Growl in Florida. Hes a great comic. Hes a really great writer and very prolific.

DRE: I havent really heard of him. Ill have to check him out.

Dave: Yeah, hes an up and comer. Hes the next big thing.

DRE: Did you watch Louis CKs HBO show?

Dave: Yeah.

DRE: It was really good. It was a crime that theyre not going to do any more.

Dave: Yeah, I know. I really wish they had let the audience grow. People would have found out about it. The fact that they used the C word

DRE: You can say cunt if you want.

Dave: Yeah, the fact that he used the word cunt. That was just, wow, this is good. Louis is really doing it. I would have saved that for the Christmas special.

DRE: If you had a show on HBO you think youd pull your penis out like Louis did?

Dave: Nah, I dont have a big enough dick. I would have had a stunt cock do it or I would have shown a picture of a horse.

DRE: So the deal is that Louis has a big enough cock.

Dave: Well, evidently he thought so. Isnt that what really penis size is?

DRE: [laughs] I spoke to Greg Giraldo about the Insomniac Tour DVD and asked him if Vegas was a good place to do a show since everyone is drunk so you cant tell if they like you or not. What about your experience?

Dave: Once you have a bit of a name people know what youre talking about. But years ago when I used to play the hotel casino, there were a lot of people there on the package deal and not so much the hipster crowd. I think theyd come in hoping to see Don Rickles or something like that. Im a little blue for them. I dont have enough gambling jokes because thats really not one of my big addictions. But youve got to talk about it a little bit when youre there.

DRE: Oh, gambling was never a big thing for you? I just assumed drinking goes with gambling.

Dave: No, Id rather drink and go to the strip club and lose money with dignity. But I like craps and blackjack and that kind of stuff. One time early in my career I left my paycheck with the casino. Youre like, Hey that was a waste. So you have to learn to budget.

DRE: Where do you live now?

Dave: I live in Manhattan. I was going to have to leave but I finally bought a place. But I might have to move out to LA if I want to get anything happening.

DRE: Right, for television.

Dave: Probably, last year I did a pilot for Fox. I want to do more of that kind of stuff. Ive been on the road for a year and a half now trying to get new material for a DVD. So now Im pretty close. I want to do a CD and a DVD double release. Hopefully Ill have that out by the beginning of next year so that was my main focus the last couple of months. I did a little movie work but I have to start doing my own stuff now.

DRE: Ive seen you live a couple of times but I read that you were performing in New Hampshire and you grabbed a phone from somebody and called someone.

Dave: That was Sam Kinisons thing. I just did that the one time. I asked some girl, Wheres your boyfriend? She said, He couldnt come. So I called him at home and everybody laughed. Im not really a big college act. Im too old and bitter but kids seem to like it. Its really cool because usually the crowds are really attentive but unfortunately Im not political or anything like that so I really am just telling them dick jokes or drunk jokes that they havent experienced yet. Since theyre partying they dont know that drinking can be a problem. Im like a dose of the future when I show up there.

DRE: Drinking was great in college, wasnt it?

Dave: Yeah. Put you right in the hospital it was so good.

DRE: I spoke to [Insomniac producer] Nick McKinney last year about some special he was doing. He said that he didnt think you could do more Insomniac because everyone seems to know who you are now.

Dave: Yeah but Id like to do more specials, especially overseas or at big events here in the America. But I think Comedy Central just wants series, they dont want hour specials. So that was the big rub with it. People always ask me where that show is and Im like, Well where the fuck were you when it was on? I was doing interviews every day, all day long for weeks at a time to get people to watch it and then finally Im like, Ok, well I dont want it to get lame and tame. Im going to quit. Im glad people liked it so I wish it could continue on in some form.

DRE: Where should you go next?

Dave: I would have loved to have been there at the Saddam Hussein trial. That would have been cool. They should have sold more tickets. I would have liked to have done some more with the troops. Ive done some USO stuff over in Afghanistan, I wanted to go over to Iraq but they said I was too dirty. Id also like to do fun events like Burning Man and all that shit. Its really up to Comedy Central wherever I can hopefully go.

DRE: Burning Man would be cool. There are a lot of naked girls there.

Dave: Yeah but everybody has been there. Weve all seen the hallucinogenic freak show thing.

DRE: They probably dont drink very much.

Dave: They dont. They drink a lot of water; that means ecstasy.

DRE: You said you did some movie work. Was that anything substantial?

Dave: Nah, just a scene here and a scene there. Nothing really, Im not an actor. Im hoping to ease myself into it but Im getting old now so I got to get into it. Its hard being on the road because you miss all these auditions. Once I get the DVD out Ill probably get off the road for a bit.

DRE: Is doing movies important to you?

Dave: I just want more control over what I do. Ive been on the road for ten years straight and Ive been doing comedy for about 19 years. So it would be good to get off the road and do some other things just because it gets harder to produce product on the road. But I know how it is to be a whore for the cash so its hard to give up the one thing youre making money on. Id like to put out other types of products like movies but Im not famous or anything, so its hard.

DRE: Do you have ideas for sitcoms or do they hook you up with people to help put them together?

Dave: Yeah theyll hook you up with somebody but those are the ideas that never work. Its probably best when you take something from your life and turn it into a sitcom. The reason Ray Romanos show was so genius was because that was Rays real life. But it doesnt necessarily have to be a sitcom or anything like that. There are a lot of opportunities out there for movies and things like that too.

DRE: Greg Giraldo told me he wanted to do something like Colin Quinns show but then he thought it would be too much like Colin Quinns show.

Dave: Yeah, hes a great comic. Im sure hell figure out something to do. I loved Colins show. That broke a lot of comics out that we only knew about really in New York like Patrice ONeal, Jim Norton and Rich Vos. A lot of them have gone on to do bigger and better things. Thats because of Colin. Everything you saw them doing on the show they used to do at night just talking to each other and putting each other down. The best part of the show was when they would just go at each other.

DRE: I know comics dont see a lot of other comics but are there people you say, I got to see him?

Dave: Doug Stanhope is probably the guy. He just got back from doing some places in England. I think hes probably the most true to the comedy I like. Hes a guy who really says, Fuck everybody. He says what he thinks and hes viciously funny. Im surprised hes not bigger than he is. Heres a guy whos been playing, not even clubs, just bars. He decided to go to these bars and just be down and dirty. Im a bit of a whore so Id be like, Well, wheres the money in that? But hes just doing it because he wants to do it. Hes the real deal.

DRE: For your material, do you still tape your shows and then listen to them?

Dave: Yeah, especially when Im working to get new material. Youre looking for the joke thats working and more importantly, the one thats not. Its hard to listen to yourself. No comic wants to listen to themselves bombing but thats the job. I think you learn everything from bombing.

DRE: Do you ever enjoy bombing at this point?

Dave: Sometimes I do especially when Im sick of the material. Ill be looking for something to happen. I like the thinking outside of the box I put myself in. But I like to kill. I appreciate my audience, theyre usually really good drinkers and comedy fans. I get a little angry when they think Im more the guy they see on TV instead of a comic that can say anything because then it is like theyve come to see a character and Im not a mascot.

DRE: Do you think youre an actual alcoholic?

Dave: Probably yeah, functional though.

DRE: Are you drunk right now?

Dave: No, I dont drink during the day, Ive got shit to do. At night I drink but since Im getting older, it gets to the point where its ridiculous hearing about all the shit you did or said or whatever.

DRE: Has anyone tried to pull an intervention on you?

Dave: No, nobody will pull an intervention on you if youre making more money than them. Unless your friends think the gravy train is going to end. Like Youve got to stop drinking but keep paying my rent. Its like everybodys afraid to mess up the cosmic balance.

DRE: I know youll bust out the cigarettes on stage sometimes, but has anyone ever asked you not to drink at the show or even during the Insomniac show?

Dave: Comedy Central didnt want me drinking so much but then they saw that that sponsorship was there. Then theyre like Can you drink this? I was like all right. The smoking on stage is hard because some places wont let you do it. So Im trying not to smoke on stage but sometimes Ill just do it because Im so bored or ramped up from traveling. Im not proud of that but it seems to be a habit I cant get rid of.

DRE: Whats drinking do for you now?

Dave: I like to drink with my friends because going to bars can become a big scene sometimes. I try not to drink and drive. Thats the good thing about living in the city; you can get into the cab. There are a lot of negatives in drinking and a lot of positives to it. But think people have to go out there and find their inner drunk.

DRE: Whats your drink now?

Dave: Jameson.

DRE: Straight?

Dave: I like it chilled. I know youre not supposed to chill a whiskey but it really tastes good and you can drink a lot of it if you chill it.

by Daniel Robert Epstein

SG Username: AndersWolleck