The sun warmed her milky skin and young blades of grass tickled between her toes as she moved forward. Steady breathing, chin up, and shoulders back kept her movement calm and confident. A shadow followed eternally behind. This ambiguous figure was often seen as a raven, black as death it silently mocked her. Other times it appeared a hauntingly quiet representation of herself, but on rarest of occasions the blackness morphed into timeless demons from memories passed. She kept close watch over her shoulder, never fully extending her gaze behind since her intent was forward bound. She had learned in the innocence of her youth that focusing on past events made the journey forward clumsy and vulnerable.
To those who watched she carried a sanguine disposition. They saw her as fortunate and strong, capable and unwavering in her mission to succeed. Fear, pain, and weakness were hidden from others, although they were ever-present to her, pulling at her resolve to push forward. She appeared steady, yet her inner strength occasionally grew weary from being over-burdened. During these fragile moments a chill would fall around her as clouds darkened, masking the sun with swirls of grey. The hollow shriek of the raven would entangle her mind with negativity, fear, and despair. Her forward focus would break as she felt the presence of the shadow grow closer, evolving from the raven to the young image of herself, calling to the uncertain juvenile version of her character she ordinarily ignored. As she gave into her mind’s manipulation the cries of the the adversary would morph into the demons she starved with the dismissal of her attention. In her refusal to face her adversary while it was young and weak she merely gave it time to mature, unconsciously feeding it through her deep rooted fear of failure.
Many times she would gain speed and once more lose sight of the demon and her journey would continue, but periodically her past would seize her, the loss of balance would bring her painfully to the ground. On her knees the shadow was allowed to overwhelm her, she would have to face it. In that moment she had two choices, to stand up in challenge, or let despair take her. However easy it would be to give up she knew these demons were once weak and it was she that fed them and allowed them to gain strength, but while her adversary grew in strength so had she. The demon towered over her shaking figure, mocking her, vomiting words of hate that would poison her mind with insecurity and doubt. She could feel her resolve weaken as the toxic memories overwhelmed her mind; times of weakness, times of fear and doubt, memories of days when she gave into the hopeless idea that she was valued by none. Her past would not cloud her future, not again. The demons that haunted her before would not take from her what she had worked so hard to gain.
With a fierceness burning in her soul she pulled strength from knowing she would face the warm sun again and her journey would be peaceful, she merely had to fight, to endure through the darkness. She stood with fire in her eyes and shouted at the monster. She wasn’t afraid of this demon and she wasn’t going to let it break her. The more she pressed forward the harder the demon pulled back in a seemingly eternal struggle. With every step forward she was able to see more of the light until the vision of the sun moved from a distant glow through the dark clouds to a single ray of sunshine that broke through. Every push, every time she stood to walk again after stumbling, every inch of her future she struggled so hard to take back would finally bring triumph.
With every defeat, the demons of her past would shrivel until they became nothing more than the shadowy representation of her weaker self; and at long last would fade back into the dark raven, following behind with his charcoal wings and haunting cry. Once again she would continue her journey forward. Ever-aware of what lay behind her she never allowed her mind to become engrossed in the battles fought and won, because fixing her gaze behind her inhibited her movement forward. When others questioned her value as a person, she pointed behind to the demons she had overcome. If, still, they were unable to appreciate her victory, she had at least proven to herself that she was worth fighting for.
