Fucking Hell thats what has been my last month and few weeks 
First there was the giant throw down between Spun her Mom and the Suite we currently occupy with the end result being if she felt it wasn't clean enough then I was out on my ass well Spun could just stay at home and be mommy's girl forever... something of course that wouldn't happen as Spun is #1 Fed up with her mom to the point of murger *well not murder yet but close
* and #2 were in a relationship and she isn't about to let mommy dearest dictate when she can do. So all of January and the first week of February were entirely devoted to cleaning this shit hole tiny suite we live in so that her mom might decide to let me stay... end result... I can stay but there will be bi-weekly inspections and now we have to pay for heat we aren't even allowed to use without the man *her fucking piece of shit husband who treats everyone around him like garbage cause cancer took his first wife* screaming and yelling at us to turn it off so I am a little peeved at that.
FUCKING JOBS! What must one do to get hired now a days? Bend over and beg to be fucked int he ass? I just don't get it!! I have had several interviews, applied at even more places and either hear nothing back or get the "Sorry the position has been filled but thanks for your time with the interview." BS and go again... at this point I have applied for almost everything short of fucking MC'D's and I may very well end up there at 25 going on 26 and thats just fucking pathetic!!! I have decided to put off doing what I want to do in life and not going to school for it because I can't afford to waste time on dreams anymore when reality is crushing down on us and our debt is rising faster than... well.. something that rises really fast! So instead I am looking at taking a trade... something at which I am almost sure will be a wast of the money I am paying for it, not because the job pays bad hell there so desperate for help instead of paying Apprentice wage of $35 an hour they are offering ppl straight out of the school Journeyman wages $64 an hour, but because I BLOW doing any kind of trade style work... in school all my metal and wood classes were ok... but get my having to do something particular like powershop to rebuild an engine and you will have bad results *I blew up the fucking thing nearly killing me and my teacher, note to everyone make sure gas tank has no leaks when you start the thing up*.
Well our 3yrs of Sin City *the local fetish club* came and went and we didn't go, now it's the Valentines day Sin I will miss due to still being all fatigued and tiered and sleeping more and more each week, I just can't seem to kick the shit and it's not only eating my life and making me depressed as fuck but it's made me lose something I used to have in spades... confidence and even ego. I have about 0 right now and this is coming from a fucking Leo who used to rule to pack, the social butterfly of the school, the guy who could mingle with almost everyone despite being a geek in a red neck school and this lack of confidence has become a problem in a certain area.... women. The search for a Muse I have given up on after finding a girl who was almost perfect who lived here who I became so flustered in trying to ask *something that never used to happen to me* that I rushed it out and haven't heard from since.... yep im that bad now. Even worse is the open relationship and how Spun used to like me to get a gf on the side so I could let her off the hook for sex now and then due to the differing sex drives and the lack of interest on her part due to the depression and the meds. Hell now I can't even seem to find a girl willing to give me a second look and I know the reason and it's the utter lack of confidence I have now and how I am always feeling out of place now and how I second guess my ever action. It's gotten worse and worse every year I have had this fatigue. I mean even in the past I knew I wasn't "The Looker" I got by on charm and wit, now that charm feels forced and awkward while the wit is more like a waynes brothers comedy. I have lost it and unless I can reclaim it there will be the same problem we faced the last time I had an extended period without a gf on the side... that being I try to get what I need from Spun but she just can't give as much as I need and I can't even be mad at her cause it's not her fault her meds and her depression destroy her drive and everything I try to do doesn't seem to help curtail my own.
Speaking of Spunsugar... Happy 6yrs to us... yep 6yrs ago today we met for the first time started dating and had an open relationship from this day forward, hell it was the same back then as it is now, Swing together or separately either is good *we used to go all or nothing for everything now I feel like an old granny to what I used to be*. It's been the best time of my life with this woman even with all the ups and downs due mostly to our health problems with depression or my stuff with the cancer and fatigue. I can say one thing though, I knew from the moment I met her, hell every other girl only lasted 4months then I let them know I couldn't be with them anymore as I wasn't in love with them and it wasn't fair to keep them from finding there love... but we can still be friends and fuck... not one said no to that but with her it was different and 6yrs later we are still unique. Hell who else's gf would wish they would find a gf on the side just so that can be relived of some sex duty
Well I guess thats it, had to postpone or completely cancel all of my plans for this year so far due to joblessness and having no cash flow so nothing fun or interesting happening now, no new tattoo, no trip, no nothing. Hell maybe after I go see this new doctor *a real doctor not a free clinic doctor* I can get a real full check-up and we can get something going on how to beat this, hell if they even believe that Chronic Fatigue is a real disease *it's currently in the limbo status that Depression and Stress where about 10-15yrs ago where some believe in it and others don't and unless you have had it no one has any fucking clue how horrible it is* I can at least get on medical while I try to get work and get to school.
First there was the giant throw down between Spun her Mom and the Suite we currently occupy with the end result being if she felt it wasn't clean enough then I was out on my ass well Spun could just stay at home and be mommy's girl forever... something of course that wouldn't happen as Spun is #1 Fed up with her mom to the point of murger *well not murder yet but close
* and #2 were in a relationship and she isn't about to let mommy dearest dictate when she can do. So all of January and the first week of February were entirely devoted to cleaning this shit hole tiny suite we live in so that her mom might decide to let me stay... end result... I can stay but there will be bi-weekly inspections and now we have to pay for heat we aren't even allowed to use without the man *her fucking piece of shit husband who treats everyone around him like garbage cause cancer took his first wife* screaming and yelling at us to turn it off so I am a little peeved at that.
FUCKING JOBS! What must one do to get hired now a days? Bend over and beg to be fucked int he ass? I just don't get it!! I have had several interviews, applied at even more places and either hear nothing back or get the "Sorry the position has been filled but thanks for your time with the interview." BS and go again... at this point I have applied for almost everything short of fucking MC'D's and I may very well end up there at 25 going on 26 and thats just fucking pathetic!!! I have decided to put off doing what I want to do in life and not going to school for it because I can't afford to waste time on dreams anymore when reality is crushing down on us and our debt is rising faster than... well.. something that rises really fast! So instead I am looking at taking a trade... something at which I am almost sure will be a wast of the money I am paying for it, not because the job pays bad hell there so desperate for help instead of paying Apprentice wage of $35 an hour they are offering ppl straight out of the school Journeyman wages $64 an hour, but because I BLOW doing any kind of trade style work... in school all my metal and wood classes were ok... but get my having to do something particular like powershop to rebuild an engine and you will have bad results *I blew up the fucking thing nearly killing me and my teacher, note to everyone make sure gas tank has no leaks when you start the thing up*.
Well our 3yrs of Sin City *the local fetish club* came and went and we didn't go, now it's the Valentines day Sin I will miss due to still being all fatigued and tiered and sleeping more and more each week, I just can't seem to kick the shit and it's not only eating my life and making me depressed as fuck but it's made me lose something I used to have in spades... confidence and even ego. I have about 0 right now and this is coming from a fucking Leo who used to rule to pack, the social butterfly of the school, the guy who could mingle with almost everyone despite being a geek in a red neck school and this lack of confidence has become a problem in a certain area.... women. The search for a Muse I have given up on after finding a girl who was almost perfect who lived here who I became so flustered in trying to ask *something that never used to happen to me* that I rushed it out and haven't heard from since.... yep im that bad now. Even worse is the open relationship and how Spun used to like me to get a gf on the side so I could let her off the hook for sex now and then due to the differing sex drives and the lack of interest on her part due to the depression and the meds. Hell now I can't even seem to find a girl willing to give me a second look and I know the reason and it's the utter lack of confidence I have now and how I am always feeling out of place now and how I second guess my ever action. It's gotten worse and worse every year I have had this fatigue. I mean even in the past I knew I wasn't "The Looker" I got by on charm and wit, now that charm feels forced and awkward while the wit is more like a waynes brothers comedy. I have lost it and unless I can reclaim it there will be the same problem we faced the last time I had an extended period without a gf on the side... that being I try to get what I need from Spun but she just can't give as much as I need and I can't even be mad at her cause it's not her fault her meds and her depression destroy her drive and everything I try to do doesn't seem to help curtail my own.
Speaking of Spunsugar... Happy 6yrs to us... yep 6yrs ago today we met for the first time started dating and had an open relationship from this day forward, hell it was the same back then as it is now, Swing together or separately either is good *we used to go all or nothing for everything now I feel like an old granny to what I used to be*. It's been the best time of my life with this woman even with all the ups and downs due mostly to our health problems with depression or my stuff with the cancer and fatigue. I can say one thing though, I knew from the moment I met her, hell every other girl only lasted 4months then I let them know I couldn't be with them anymore as I wasn't in love with them and it wasn't fair to keep them from finding there love... but we can still be friends and fuck... not one said no to that
but with her it was different and 6yrs later we are still unique. Hell who else's gf would wish they would find a gf on the side just so that can be relived of some sex duty
Well I guess thats it, had to postpone or completely cancel all of my plans for this year so far due to joblessness and having no cash flow so nothing fun or interesting happening now, no new tattoo, no trip, no nothing. Hell maybe after I go see this new doctor *a real doctor not a free clinic doctor* I can get a real full check-up and we can get something going on how to beat this, hell if they even believe that Chronic Fatigue is a real disease *it's currently in the limbo status that Depression and Stress where about 10-15yrs ago where some believe in it and others don't and unless you have had it no one has any fucking clue how horrible it is* I can at least get on medical while I try to get work and get to school.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
yeah, i didnt know what to think of the lube situation...